Another Empty Bottle
by TheBeautifulNerd
Summary: Requested by Giatrix: After Cal's tragic death, Lily is consumed by guilt and regret following their unresolved argument. As she searches for solace, she ends up forming an unlikely relationship with alcohol.
1. Chapter 1

**So I wasn't going to post another story but this was requested by my good friend "Giatrix." Thanks for the help!**

 **I named it after one of my favourite songs, "Another Empty Bottle" by Katy McAllister.**

 **If you did want to make a request, feel free to PM me or leave a review. I am currently working on a story idea that has been requested by Jazmin so if you're reading this, don't worry, I've not forgot about it! :-)**

 **Anyway, on with the story.**

Chapter One

One drink. That was all it took to take the pain away.

Lily stared at the empty glass that sat on the table in front of her and circled the rim with her finger. The music echoed throughout the room, occasionally growing louder and louder as if to purposely try and burst Lily's eardrum. The loud sounds of drunk teenagers enjoying a night off from university work could be heard in the background, and it was putting Lily off her thoughts. It completely ruined the atmosphere.

She hadn't even realised that Iain was talking to her.

"Lily. Are you listening to me?" He asked.

"Sorry," Lily whispered, shaking her head at him. "What did you say?"

"I just asked if you wanted another drink," he said, already picking up her empty wine glass. "On me, yeah?"

"Um...Yeah..." Lily gulped and pushed her glass towards him. "Sure. Red wine again, thank you."

"No problem," he sighed, as he stood up. "When I've got these, maybe we can talk about why you're so distracted this evening."

Lily thought that Iain would have known why that was. Wasn't it obvious? She allowed a heavy sigh to escape her body, and her brown eyes turned to stare out of the window that they were sitting near. The once blue sky was now black and miserable, and it matched the atmosphere extremely well. It was as if Cal had sent her a message, letting her know that she was the responsible one but also letting everyone else know as well.

It made her feel sick.

"Red wine for the lady," he announced, strolling back over and placing a full to the brim glass down in front of her.

Lily was quick to notice that he'd kindly bought her a large.

"What's wrong then?" Iain asked, sitting back down and having a sip of the pint that he'd just ordered for himself. "You're my girlfriend, aren't you? I can tell when there's something wrong."

"Nothing's wrong as such. I'm just thinking about Cal," Lily whispered, a small sigh escaping her lips.

Iain felt awful. He missed Cal, just as much as everyone else did, but he also knew that they had to move on. However, Lily was struggling to get her head around the fact that he was no longer with them.

"Yeah. Poor Ethan, huh?" Iain sighed.

Ethan hadn't come to the pub with them. He couldn't. He said that he wasn't ready for any social nights, and that they would never be the same without Cal. He was right in a way. Cal always enjoyed a good party.

"Poor Ethan," Lily repeated under her breath, and had another sip.

The taste of alcohol swam around inside her mouth. For a few seconds, it was as if she could just forget everything that had happened. Getting knocked down by Gem, the argument between her and Cal, Cal's death. It had been such a rough couple of months and although she knew that alcohol wasn't really the right way to go about things, she liked it.

"Anyway, Cal will be proud of you for what you did in his hearse," Iain mentioned, hating the awkward silence that had filled the air between them.

"Shut up," Lily laughed, as she felt herself blush a bright shade of red.

She downed the rest of her wine in one, receiving quite a shocked but pleased stare from her new boyfriend.

"It's really good to see you letting your hair down for a change," he stated, his smile growing wide at the sight of a happy and relaxed Lily. "You seem more at ease than usual."

"I guess what happened with Cal, has made me realise that living on the wild side every now and again is important, because life's too short," Lily said.

"Wow Chuckles, you're full of surprises lately," Iain said jokingly. "Don't go too wild on me, will you?"

"I'll try not to," Lily laughed. "I'll get the next round, alright?"

"You don't have to do that," Iain said. "I haven't even finished this one yet."

The time seemed to be flying by. One by one, their colleagues slowly started to exit the pub. Elle had her boys, Charlie and Duffy wanted an early night, and Robyn and Max needed to get back to Charlotte who was being looked after by their mum. Soon, Iain and Lily were the only ones left out of their group.

"We should be going soon," Iain suggested, glancing up at the clock and realising how late it actually was. "You can stay at mine tonight, alright?"

"No, let's have one more drink first," Lily whined, reaching over and giving his arm a playful slap.

"Wow, careful Lily," he laughed, shaking his head at her. "Am I not more appealing than another drink? I'm getting old now, you know? I need my sleep."

"One more and then we'll go," Lily promised. "It's nice here, just the two of us."

"It'll be just the two of us at my flat," Iain muttered under his breath. "We can stay for a bit longer though if you want to. Like I said before, it's nice to see you letting your hair down for a change."

"Thank you," Lily whispered and grabbed their empty glasses, whilst stumbling out of her chair. "I'll get these," she said.

* * *

"I think you've had a bit too much tonight," Iain joked, laughing at the state that Lily was in, as the two of them walked in the door later that night. "Why don't you lay down on the sofa and I'll make us some dinner?"

"It's late," Lily whined, collapsing back onto the sofa with her hands held to her face.

"But we haven't eaten and I'm starving," Iain said, leaning down and stroking her hair back so that he could plant a kiss on her forehead. "I'll put a pizza in. That won't take long to cook."

He stood up straight and looked down at his half asleep girlfriend, thinking about how lucky he was. Even when she was tired and tipsy, she still looked beautiful. He'd never imagined him and Lily to get together, especially not at Cal's funeral, but he was so pleased that they did.

He gave her another loving kiss and rubbed her knuckles with the tip of his thumb. He then walked into the kitchen and shut the door behind him, allowing her to get the sleep that she clearly needed.

 **So there is the first chapter. I hope you liked it. Leave a comment and let me know what you think x**


	2. Chapter 2

**casualtyfics111: Thanks so much. More to come.**

 **LillyMayFlower: Thank you. That means a lot, coming from an incredible writer like yourself. Enjoy the updates.**

 **Scarlett: I'm glad you enjoyed Jazmin's request, and I'm glad that you like this story as well. Thank you.**

Chapter Two

Lily opened her weary eyes groggily and held a hand to her aching head. Her vision was blurred, and loose stands of hair were plastered to her hot and sweaty face. She felt awful. What the hell had happened last night? She had no idea how much she'd had to drink, but the room was definitely spinning, so clearly it had been quite a bit.

She groaned and ran her hands down her face, the sickness that had been there last night, suddenly returning to her stomach. She wondered what the time was and how long she had left until work. Did she even have work? She didn't even know what day it was.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a pillow landed on her head. She let out a small yelp and looked up to see Iain hovering above her, laughing to himself.

"How's the hangover?" He joked.

"Please shut up," Lily groaned, smiling to herself, and briefly closing her eyes again. "God, everything hurts. How much did I have to drink?"

"Enough," Iain chuckled, perching on the edge of the bed so that he could give her hair a stroke. "You threw up just before you went to sleep."

"Really?" Lily squinted her eyes at him. "I don't remember that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Iain gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "I've had plenty of wild nights in my time. Are you okay to work?"

"I'll have to be," Lily yawned. "I'll just drink some water and take some tablets, and no one will need to know."

"If you're sure." He nodded and planted a loving, wet kiss on her forehead. "I'll run you a bath."

* * *

"You look dreadful," Alicia giggled, as she strolled over to Lily.

It didn't take a scientist to work out that Lily was extremely hungover. She and Iain had stayed at the pub later than everyone else anyway, but she looked exhausted and her eyes were red and sore.

"Thanks," Lily scoffed. "Every woman loves to hear that."

"I'm surprised that you even came into work to be honest," Alicia laughed. "That's dedication. I bet that's the first time you've ever been drunk, right?"

"I'm not drunk," Lily argued. "And even if I was, no. I um...I've been drunk plenty of times before, thank you."

"If you say so," Alicia sighed, and rolled her eyes. "You just don't strike me as that sort of person." Alicia felt annoyance creep over her when Lily didn't say anything. She was obviously ignoring her. "Anyway, would you like to come to the pub again with us tonight?"

"I will have to see what Iain is doing," Lily said. "But I would like that, thank you."

She caught Alicia smiling at her. Maybe she was thinking the exact same thing as Iain, maybe she liked the fact that Lily was letting her hair down more. In a way Lily quite enjoyed the attention. It sounded weird but she liked the fact that people were joking with her and talking about 'that night at the pub.'

"If Iain can't make it," Alicia said. "Then you'll still come along, right?"

Lily nodded with a smile and said, "of course."

Fortunately, Iain was able to make it to the pub. As soon as Lily asked him, he began to joke about the raging hangover that she'd woken up with. Lily should have known that she'd have that coming, it wasn't her best moment.

"Can we stop making fun of me now?" Lily laughed, as she stood in the middle of the ambulance bay with her hands in her pockets.

Iain was sat on the back of the ambulance with his legs dangling. He continued to smile at his embarrassed girlfriend, loving the moment. As he noticed her cheeks slowly turn a bright red colour, he realised how much he really loved her. He felt like the luckiest man on earth, and he couldn't see himself with anyone else.

"What are you staring at?" Lily asked him, tilting her head to one side like a cute, little puppy.

"Just the most beautiful woman on this planet," he said. "I love you."

Lily's eyes widened and she felt drawn to tears. Iain had really said that to her. It was the first time any man had said that to her, and honestly she wasn't sure how she was supposed to react to it.

"That's the first time you've said that since we've been together," she pointed out. "I love you too."

"Well..." Iain nodded awkwardly. He wasn't sure what to say now. "Good."

"You're such an idiot," Lily giggled, throwing herself into his arms. "I'm looking forward to tonight."

"Just try and have a bit of self control this time, eh?" Iain joked, pressing his lips against her cheek.

He then repeated the three little words that he'd said only two minutes ago.

* * *

"I am going to arrange for you to have a CT scan," Lily said to a young woman in her early twenties, who lay back on a bed in a cubicle. "That will then hopefully let us know the cause of these dizzy spells that you keep happening."

"Thank you," she whispered. "Do you think it's anything serious?"

"Unfortunately, we can't tell until we see the scan results," Lily said, looking up to lock eyes with Alicia who was stood on the other side of the bed. "Doctor Munroe, do you think you could get that organised for me?"

"Yes. Of course," Alicia agreed. "I'll get right to it."

"Thank you," Lily whispered.

Alicia left the cubicle at once, whilst Lily finished up with her patient. After a while, she left and bumped straight into Robyn on the way out. Robyn looked pleased to see her; however, Lily was completely the opposite.

"Staff Nurse Miller, I'm busy," she spat.

"I just wanted to say that I'm really pleased you're joining us at the pub," Robyn said.

"Okay..." Lily gave her a puzzling look. Robyn always had been happy, but to Lily, it was a weird thing to say. "I'm pleased to hear you say that, Robyn. Thank you."

"It's just nice," Robyn elaborated a bit more. "You never used to come to the pub with us."

"Well, sometimes change can be good," Lily said. "I need to live more. Cal, he...He died at a young age and it made me realise that anything can happen at any time."

"Do you miss him?" Robyn asked.

"Of course I do," Lily said solemnly. "Everybody does."

"I know," Robyn whispered. "It's so hard to believe that he's gone. I'd love to wake up one morning to find that it's all a dream."

"Wouldn't we all?" Lily ran a hand through her hair and sighed heavily. "I really have to get back to work now, Robyn. I'll see you at the pub later though."

Robyn nodded and Lily stepped to one side so that she could move away from the conversation.

She examined her watch. Not long to go until the end of her shift.

It had been a long day, and she felt so ready for another night at the pub.

 **Thanks so much for the support on the first chapter. Let me know what you think of the update x**


	3. Chapter 3

**casualtyfics111: You'll soon see :-)**

 **Scarlett: She plays a big role in this story.**

 **Giatrix: Thank you so much, and Iain will start to grow concerned for his girlfriend in this chapter. Thank you so much for reviewing and I'm glad that you're enjoying the story.**

 **Ben: Thank you. Exactly and** **unfortunately, alcohol addiction can hit anyone. All those questions will be answered in later chapters. Enjoy the rest of the story.**

Chapter Three

"1, 2, 3, drink!"

Lily tipped her head back and allowed the cool liquid to run down her throat. There was a loud cheer and everyone began to applaud her in a way that caused Lily to smile from ear to ear. She liked the attention; it made things so much easier.

"I think you've had enough, don't you?" Iain laughed, slipping in beside her and removing the empty glass from her grasp.

"No," Lily giggled. "You're usually the one who's up for alcohol and banter."

"Yes, when I don't have work the next morning," Iain said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "You, however, woke up with a raging hangover this morning and I don't want you to have the same thing in the morning. Mrs Beauchamp will soon find out and she will flip."

"Let her have a bit of fun, Iain," Robyn piped up, as she sat nearby with her own drink. "I have work tomorrow but I'm still having a drink."

"But you're drinking sensibly," Iain pointed out. "Whilst Lily is on her eighteenth shot right now."

"I don't think it's quite that much," Lily laughed, leaning her head against his shoulder whilst running her lips along his neck. "Just one more drink, and then we can go home. I promise, okay?"

"Lily," Iain sighed.

She'd said that about half an hour ago.

"You don't own her, Iain," Robyn spoke up again. "You should be proud of her. It's nice to see her having a bit of fun for once."

Iain glanced towards his mess of a girlfriend. A heavy sigh escaped his mouth and he ran a hand through his hair, knowing full well that he'd been beaten. He nodded and forced a smile for Lily before sitting down on a stool beside her.

* * *

"Are you mad at me?" Lily asked in a small whisper, as she and Iain walked down the path with their arms linked.

Iain sighed and tried to hide the fact that he was slightly annoyed and hurt by her actions. She'd got herself drunk twice in a row, when she was due to be working the next day, and expected him to be okay with her. He did love her though, so he knew that he couldn't stay mad at her for too long. Like Robyn had told him, it was nice to see the fun side of her for once.

"No, I'm not mad," he sighed, nuzzling his head against hers. "Just as long as you're not sick in my flat again."

"I'm staying round yours again tonight?" She seemed surprised and slightly unhappy.

Maybe she was just tired though.

"If you want to," he said. "I love having you at my place."

Lily nodded, reaching down to give his hand a squeeze. She stumbled slightly and gripped onto Iain's hand tightly, squealing and laughing as he caught her before she hit the floor. A woman passed them and a suspicious glare crossed her face.

"It's okay!" Lily shouted, running her hand up and down Iain's arm. "He's my boyfriend! It's fine."

"As much as I am loving your public display of affection," Iain sighed, once the woman has disappeared out of sight. "I'd rather you not announce our relationship to complete strangers."

Lily just squeezed his hand again and giggled. Iain squeezed her hand back and the two of them walked the rest of the way in silence. He unlocked the door for her and allowed her to walk inside first before following.

"Sit down," Iain told her. "I'll make you a coffee."

He shook his head in disbelief and made his way into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

* * *

When morning rolled round, it was clear to Iain that Lily was hungover. Again. He suggested that she took the morning off, just in case Connie happened to notice, but she refused and got herself dressed into the same clothes from the night before.

"Do you want us to stop off at your place on the way to work?" Iain offered. "You can change into something else then."

"It's fine," Lily told him. "I've got some spare clothes in my locker at work. Thank you though."

"So organised," Iain said, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently kissing her neck.

"Well," Lily sighed, and kissed him back. "We work in an ED. You never know when you're going to get covered in blood or vomit."

"Hmm. Charming but very true," Iain laughed. "If I say something, promise me that you won't get mad?" Lily nodded and turned to face him. "I'm sorry, but I can still smell alcohol on you. How much did you actually have to drink last night?"

"I can't remember," Lily mumbled, holding a hand to her head in frustration. "Can you really?"

"Just spray yourself with some perfume and it'll be fine," Iain said. "Maybe this is a lesson for you though, eh? Take it easy next time, especially when you are due to work the next day. No one noticed yesterday and hopefully the same will go for today, but you might not be so lucky next time."

"I know," Lily sighed deeply. "Thank you."

"Come on." He gave her a smile and another kiss. "Let's make a move."

The first thing Lily did when she got to work was change into her spare clothes and spray herself with some perfume. She hoped that it would wash away the alcohol smell. She'd really enjoyed last night and she'd do anything to go back to it, but the last thing that she needed was Connie on her case.

As soon as she exited the staffroom, Connie announced that there had been an RTC with around twenty casualties.

It looked as if it was going to be a long day.

 **I wasn't quite sure how to write this chapter. I hope it didn't seem too rushed or anything though. Thanks for your lovely reviews so far x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ben: Thank you. Such a lovely review. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story.**

 **Guest: Aww no, I'm really sorry to hear that. I agree that Connie has been tortured an awful lot and I wish that she could just be happy, but I still watch the show. I'm so glad that you like my stories and I hope you enjoy the new chapter.**

 **citylightsonthewater: She will make a small appearance in this chapter.**

Chapter Four

Lily had been having a bad day.

The day started off with the death of a patient, someone who had been in Lily's care. Connie had reassured her that there was nothing they could have done to save him, and that he was already gone, but Lily still blamed herself.

As soon as her break came round, she left the ED without a word to anyone. She needed time to calm down, some time to herself. She jingled the money in her pockets and headed off to the row of shops that presented themselves nicely in front of the ED's car park.

"Morning," the shopkeeper greeted her, as she walked inside.

Lily nodded at him in response, and made her way across to the refrigerator of drinks and healthy snacks. She picked up a bottle of water and a pot of fruit, but then her attention diverted to the different bottles of wine and vodka.

She couldn't. Iain would never be able to look at her the same way again.

She'd felt so much better before though. It was as if all horrible memories of Cal's death had been washed away from her brain. She'd do anything to forget about the day that she was having as well.

Slowly, she put the water and the fruit back in the correct place and went to pick up a bottle of vodka from the shelf. It was a reasonable price.

"Can I see some ID please?" The shopkeeper asked, as soon as Lily took the alcohol up to the desk.

"I'm twenty-nine," Lily mentioned.

"You look young though," he complimented. "ID please."

"Well, I have a boyfriend," Lily told the old guy, and flicked her driving licence at him.

He just nodded and rolled his eyes. She quickly paid for the bottle, snatched her receipt from him, and left the shop without even bothering to pick up a carrier bag. She stood outside, unscrewed the lid, and had a long sip from the bottle.

It felt so good and even though she knew that drinking at twelve o'clock, whilst on shift, was an awful thing to do, she didn't care. It was soon time to go back to work, so she shoved the rest of the bottle into her handbag, and began to walk back to the ED.

She stopped outside, gulped anxiously, and quickly sprayed herself with some perfume again to try and get rid of the ever-growing smell of alcohol.

She took a nervous breath and made her way inside, walking through the busy reception, and passing Connie on the way. The clinical lead immediately stopped in her path and slowly turned to observe Lily.

"Doctor Chao," she quickly called the registrar back. "Come here for a second, please."

Lily slowly pivoted and walked back towards Connie.

"Is everything okay?" Connie asked. "You're wearing more perfume than normal."

"Oh yes," Lily replied quickly. "It's Iain's favourite."

She then blushed, having overshared her relationship with her boss. Connie looked pretty surprised at Lily's willingness to talk about Iain, but she didn't mention it. Instead, she went onto a completely different issue, one that Lily had thought she'd got away with.

"As lovely as your perfume is, Lily," she said. "I can still smell alcohol on you and um...I am sure Iain will be able to as well, so please tell me if there is a problem that needs sorting."

"There isn't," Lily whispered, and hoped that Connie would drop the matter.

"Well, it's a little bit early in the day to be drinking," Connie said. "And I have to say that I'm rather surprised at you."

"I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily sighed. "Can I get back to work now?"

"Not like that," Connie said. "Go and wash your mouth out with some coffee or something, and then you may get back to work. I'll be issuing you a written warning for drinking whilst on the job though, and let's hope that it doesn't happen again."

"It won't," Lily said, before walking away to the staffroom.

Connie watched her, a worried expression on her face. As she turned to go back to her office, she spotted Iain and knew that it would be a good idea to express her concerns to him. Gesturing for him to follow her, she asked if she could have a word.

"Is everything okay, Mrs Beauchamp?" He asked, when they were in the office with the door shut.

I don't want to interfere in your relationship," Connie began. "But I have noticed a slight change in Lily's behaviour recently, and such a serious issue makes me think that you need to be aware of what's going on and what 'drinking' could actually mean for Lily. I don't know how much you know Iain, if you know anything, but Lily's entire career could be ruined."

"I have noticed a few things," Iain sighed. "I can't say that I can understand what's prompted it exactly though. The first time I spoke about it with her, she said that Cal's death had taught her to live a bit more."

"Everyone in the ED misses Cal," Connie said. "But it isn't as if Lily and Cal were ever really close. Do you think that's the reason?"

"I know," he said. "And maybe. I'm also worried that Lily is trying to be more social and wild to please me though."

"Then you need to tell her about your concerns," Connie said. "Either way, I don't want to see her drinking on the job again."

"What?" Iain frowned, his concerns growing bigger. "Drinking on the job? What are you talking about, Mrs Beauchamp?"

"I thought you knew what I was talking about," Connie said. "That's why we've just had this conversation. I just bumped into Lily and she smelt strongly of alcohol, although she had tried to disguise the smell with perfume."

"She was hungover this morning," Iain said. "And I told her to spray some perfume, but you think she's been drinking on the job?"

"Trust me," Connie sighed, and sat down at her desk. "It didn't smell as if she'd been drinking last night. I brought up the matter and she apologised, so I was obviously right. I've issued her a warning, but I just want you to keep an eye on her for me. We both know that drinking is completely out of character for Lily."

"I'll talk to her," Iain promised. "And I'll try and get to the bottom of it."

"Thank you." Connie nodded. "I'll let you get back to work now."

Iain nodded and moved towards the door. He knew what to do. He'd invite Lily round for the evening, cook her dinner, and talk to her about her constant drinking.

Hopefully then, that would be the end of it.

 **Hope you enjoyed the update. Let me know what you think x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Guest: Thank you so much. I'm glad that you think it seems realistic. You'll soon see that so I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.**

 **Ben: Thank you. Really glad that you like the story so far. More to come.**

Chapter Five

"So, what do you want to watch this evening?" Lily asked, as she threw herself onto the sofa beside her boyfriend and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm feeling romantic. Why don't we watch a nice, romance film? Tell you what. You can choose the movie and I'll buy the pizza."

Iain was finding it incredibly difficult to maintain a conversation with her. She didn't seem like her normal self and it made him wonder whether or not Connie had been right. Had she been drinking on the job? He hated to think that she'd become so attached to alcohol and he hoped that it wasn't because she felt the need to please him. He enjoyed the odd drink every now and then, and he enjoyed a night out on the town, but he didn't want his girlfriend to change for him.

"Lily," he spoke nervously. "Can we talk about something first?"

"What do you want to talk about?" Lily asked, leaning her head against his arm.

"I just have a few concerns," Iain whispered. "You're drinking quite a lot lately."

"I'm having fun," Lily said, slowly lifting her head. "I thought you'd be happy, Iain."

"But you and I both know that drinking on shift is completely out of character for you," Iain said.

Lily pulled away from him and hung her head. How did he know that she'd had a small drink before heading back to work? He hadn't seen her, had he? She wondered if Connie had talked to him and if so, she hated her for it.

"What were you thinking, Lily?" He asked her. "You could get yourself fired for that. You're lucky that you've just been giving a warning."

She didn't answer him. She didn't know what to say.

"I just want to know what's going on inside that head of yours," Iain said. "I know that you want to live a little bit more, but Cal wouldn't want this, and I certainly don't. You're perfect Chuckles, so you don't need to drink to impress me. I already love you and I don't want you to change your character."

Lily nodded meekly at him and rubbed at the back of her neck.

"Alright?" Iain asked, reaching across and giving her arm a gentle squeeze. "Now, let's forget that this ever happened and watch that movie. Are you still okay to pay for pizza?"

"Yeah," Lily whispered, fiddling with the ends of her sleeves. "That's fine."

"I'll have a look through my film collection then," he said, a small grin on his face.

* * *

Lily was pleased when Iain had asked her to stay the night again, but she didn't know what to do.

She'd never intended to make her own boyfriend hate her. They'd been so happy together; they went out nearly every evening and Lily had spent almost every night at Iain's flat. Things had been perfect.

Then, she had to go and ruin it all.

Iain lay fast asleep beside her, shirtless and snoring loudly. She was so lucky to have someone like him, but now he hated her for what she'd become and it was her own fault.

She ran a hand through her hair and climbed out of bed. She couldn't sleep, so she decided watching a bit of TV in the living room until she felt tired. There wasn't bound to be much on, but Iain did have Netflix which she had used before.

Switching the light on, she caught sight of the handbag that she took to work with her. She gulped and bit her lip, glancing back towards Iain's bedroom. Silence. Tip-toeing over to her handbag, she crouched down on the floor and pulled the bottle of vodka out of her bag.

She'd upset Iain. How else was she supposed to cope with her emotions?

Pursing her lips together and shaking her head, she unscrewed the bottle and downed the rest of the bottle. The liquid swam down her throat and she winced at the taste, but she knew that she'd feel a lot happier in a few hours.

She dropped the bottle on the floor and collapsed with her back against the sofa. She held her hands to her face and sniffed, the taste of the alcohol swimming around her mouth.

"Lily?"

It was Iain. She looked up and saw that he was leaning against the doorframe, his hands in the pockets of his pyjama bottoms. A heavy sigh escaped his lips and his eyes diverted to the empty bottle that lay at Lily's feet.

"It's the middle of the night," he said.

He walked over and picked up the bottle, holding it out to show her.

"Where did this come from?" He asked. "Did you not listen to a word that I said last night?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just felt awful."

"So, you sneak out of the room in the middle of the night to drink?" Iain questioned, a puzzled look on his face. "I don't understand, Lily. Where did this even come from?"

"I bought it at the shop during my lunch break," Lily whispered. "I never meant to upset you, Iain. Drinking just seemed to be the best way for me to cope with my emotions."

"There are other ways, Lily," he said. "And the alcohol was what upset me in the first place."

Lily nodded faintly, slowly moving her head so that she was looking at the carpet again. There was a pizza stain from where Iain had dropped a slice of cheese and tomato during their date night.

"You're my girlfriend," Iain said. "I care about you. Just try and help me understand, alright? If...If you're sad, then we can get you help."

"I'm not sad," Lily tried to deny.

She knew that it was hopeless. As if Iain would actually believe her.

"I just needed a drink," she added, close to tears.

Iain sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He examined the empty glass bottle that he was holding, and then looked back to his sobbing girlfriend. He couldn't be angry with her. No matter how angry he felt, shouting at her and blaming her wasn't the right way to go about it.

"Come back to bed, Lily," he whispered, and gestured to the bottle. "I'm going to get rid of this. We'll talk more in the morning."

Lily wanted to tell him that she couldn't sleep, and she wanted to correct him that it was actually already morning. She daredn't though. He was already upset by the current events.

"Come on," he sighed, and patted her on the shoulder. "You look tired, and we're both on an early shift tomorrow as well."

Lily just nodded her head and ran her hands down her face, as she stood up. Iain wrapped an arm around her shoulder and set the empty bottle down on the table, giving himself a reminder to recycle it as soon as they woke up.

"Get some sleep," he said, as they both climbed back into bed.

 **So I hope the chapter was okay. The conversationat the end between Iain and Lily was incredibly hard to write. I wasn't quite sure how Iain would react. Thanks for all of the support on this story so far. Let me know what you think.**

 **If you have any requests for stories, sent me a review or a PM. I've had a few which I've noted down and I will definitely write them as soon as I get the time x**


	6. Chapter 6

**Guest: That's alright. I love replying to the reviews that I receive. Thanks so much. Things will slowly start to get better in this chapter, but all will go downhill soon enough. I'm really glad that you like the story and my writing, so thank you very much :-)**

Chapter Six

The atmosphere was tense the next morning.

Lily sat at the kitchen table of Iain's flat. A huge plate of bacon, baked beans, sausages, egg, toast, and black pudding sat in front of her. Iain hadn't said a single word to her (yet!) but he'd made so much effort in making them both a gorgeous fry-up, that she daredn't mention last night's events. He sat down opposite her with his own plate and Lily anxiously picked up her fork and stabbed at one of the sausages on her plate.

"You're not eating," he stated.

It was the first thing that he'd said since they both woke up. Lily was pleased but shocked to hear his voice.

"Sorry," she whispered, taking a bite out of the sausage. "It's delicious. Thank you."

"Don't sound too pleased, will you?" He said sarcastically with a small sigh.

"I don't know what to say." Lily gave a small shrug of the shoulders and set her fork down. "You're acting as if last night never happened, yet you said about talking this morning."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Iain asked, narrowing his eyebrows at her.

Lily thought about that for a second. She didn't overly want to have that conversation with Iain, and quite frankly she'd been worrying all night about it.

"Not really," she whispered, shaking her head.

"Well then," Iain said. "There's your answer." He sighed and said, "Eat up, yeah? We don't want to be late for work."

* * *

Things still weren't the same though. They walked into work together as usual, but neither one of them spoke. They didn't hold hands and there wasn't the usual 'have a good day' kiss either. The atmosphere felt frosty and Lily wondered whether Iain would slowly start to talk to her again or not. As he walked off to the ambulance bay, she turned to walk into reception, but stopped when she saw that Louise had been watching the scene.

"Would you look at that?" She sighed, arms folded across her chest. "Trouble in paradise! Looks like Iain has finally come to his senses."

Lily chose to ignore her words. She pushed past her and stormed into the ED to go and put her things away into her locker. She couldn't stand Louise, mainly because she'd never been nice to her. Although angry and upset, she tried to put Louise to the back of her mind and focus on her work.

It was a quiet day.

Lily found herself feeling pleased when patients were admitted, just so she had something to do. Connie seemed to be keeping a close eye on her with everything that she did, and it made her quite uncomfortable. She was glad when Connie had to go upstairs for a meeting, leaving Elle in charge.

"Lily," Elle said, strolling over to her as she stood at the desk in reception. "We have a major RTC coming in. Are you able to help out at all? We have about twelve different casualties coming in."

"Of course Doctor Gardner," Lily agreed.

She wasn't doing anything important, so was more than happy to help out with such a major accident.

As soon as Iain arrived and wheeled the elderly lady through the double doors, Lily noticed that the woman was refusing to let go of Iain's arm. She held back for a while, listening as her boyfriend explained calmly that he'd have to go and help other casualties. The woman was clearly in a state, confused and scared, and Iain seemed to be the only one who she trusted. She could understand why. Iain was a kind and caring man, and he was always the first one on board to treat a patient. The patients loved him, more than any of the other paramedics. It almost reminded Lily of the reason why he was her boyfriend.

The sight made her heart melt and she realised how lucky she was.

As soon as the patient had left Iain's side, Lily grabbed his arm and dragged him down the corridor and into the nearest store cupboard. Slamming the door shut, she pressed him up against the wall and kissed him.

"Hey, hey, hey," he quickly stopped her and gently pushed her away. "What's with the random display of affection?"

It was clear to Lily that he was worried she might have been drinking at work again, and she really didn't want that to become a regular occurance. She hadn't had a drink since last night, so surely that meant something.

"I'm okay," she reassured him. "But seeing you with that patient just then has reminded me of why I love you so much. I just want some time alone with you for a little while, because I'm worried that we're drifting apart."

"We're not drifting apart, Lily," Iain whispered. "Couples fight."

"I'm going to change my ways," Lily said. "I know I said that I didn't want to talk about it, but that's only because I know how much last night upset you."

Iain just looked doubtful.

"Alright?" Lily whispered, leaning across and taking his hand in hers. "The only drink that I will be having from now on is maybe a wine or two on a special occassion. I don't want to ruin what we have, Iain."

"Well, you did just push me into a store cupboard," Iain laughed. "No. I don't want to ruin things either."

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of Iain's radio. It caused them both to jump and suddenly remember that they were actually at work.

"You should get back as well," Iain said. "Or Doctor Gardner will be wondering where you are."

"Yeah. You're right," Lily whispered. "Are we okay though?"

"We always were, Lily," Iain said, leaning in and giving her a kiss. "I love you. I'll see you later, okay?"

Lily waited at least five minutes after Iain had left the store cupboard. She knew how suspicious it would look if someone saw the two of them leave together. When she was sure that enough time had passed, she left to go and help out in cubicles.

"Wow, that's not something you see everyday!" The patient laughed at her. "An overworked NHS doctor who still has a blaming smile."

Lily's smile grew wider, as she immediately began to examine the patient, laughing every now and then at the jokes that he made. She suddenly began to think that maybe she did have the situation under control, maybe her and Iain were okay after all.

Things were looking up and she had to congratulate herself on not letting the drink get to her.

Things weren't always that simple though, were they?

 **Thank you to the amazing Giatrix for requesting the idea and helping out. I love our amazing Casualty chats. I really like writing this story and I hope you all do as well. Let me know what you think if you have the time x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Guest: Thank you and yes, unfortunately that is the case. Your reviews have made me smile and they've motivated me to update, so thank you so much for that :-)**

 **Giatrix: Iain is so lovely! You're very welcome. Enjoy the update.**

 **Ben: Thank you for both of your lovely reviews. I'm sorry to hear that you went through a rough time in the past but glad to hear that things are okay now. It really is my dream to get published one day, so we'll see. Thanks again.**

Chapter Seven

Lily was pleased that she and Iain were on good terms again.

Things were going well. She woke up the next morning, in her own flat, but feeling pleased and happy. She hadn't gone to the pub after work, she hadn't bought anymore bottles of alcohol, and the only drink that she'd had was water.

She got dressed, ran a brush through her hair, and made herself a quick coffee before she had to leave for work. She prayed for a good day as she arrived at the ED in plenty of time for her shift, and headed straight to the staffroom. However, she felt her heart sink when she overheard Max and Louise talking about her and Iain.

"Louise. What is it with your obsession?" Max was saying. "Are you hoping that you can finally get your claws into him?"

"Of course not!" Louise replied. "I just want him to realise that he is too good for someone as selfish, cold and troubled as Lily Chao. What does he see in her? Look at how she's treated Ethan lately, not to mention Cal before he died."

Cal's death. Of course. Even Louise blamed her for his death. She felt tears sting her eyes as she tried to take in what Louise had said. The two of them had never had a friendship as such but clearly, Louise hated her.

And yes, she and Ethan hadn't been as close as they used to be, but she hadn't heard the things that Ethan had said to her at the funeral. He'd said some awful stuff as well but of course because he'd lost his brother, people were treading carefully around him.

Lily had to mentally kick herself at having that thought. It made her sound so selfish and cold, just as Louise had described her. Maybe she was right.

She gulped anxiously and glanced down at her bag and coat, knowing that she had to put them away in her locker before her shift. However, she didn't want Max and Louise to know that she'd heard everything. She didn't know what to do.

She waited for a few minutes until she heard the conversation change to Eastenders. Apparently, Max and Louise were both huge fans. On that note, Lily walked into the staffroom and over to her locker.

"Morning," Max sighed, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed.

Louise didn't say anything.

"Morning," Lily whispered, her eyes on her locker.

The conversation ended there. Lily could feel the hatred and the judgement in their eyes, as she quickly checked her mobile for messages. She dropped her mobile phone into the pocket of her trousers, locked the rest of her things into her locker, and left without a single word.

* * *

 _"Hope my ice queen hasn't melted after our store cupboard encounter! Want to grab dinner together after work?" - Iain xx_

Lily anxiously chewed on her fingernails as she read over Iain's text message. Ice queen. She knew that people had jokingly called her that in the past and Iain had often used it as her nickname, since they'd started dating. She usually found it cute when he said it, but this time was different. It made her stomach churn.

She didn't want Iain to know that Louise's words had got to her so much though. He'd only get annoyed, then he'd probably talk to Louise, and then Louise and Max would know that Lily had been listening to their conversation. It was all really messy.

Instead, she just ended up replying to the last part of the message.

 _Dinner sounds good. See you then xx_

She sucked in a breath and put her mobile back into her pocket, before entering cubicles. Charlie was in there, alongside Ethan who was now back at work and although struggling slightly, seemed to be better than before. She gave him a small smile, which he returned, but neither of them said a friendly word to each other. Lily thought about what Louise had said and it made her feel awkward. Maybe Ethan hated her as well.

"Right. How did that happen?" Lily sighed, referring to the tree branch that was sticking out of the patients leg.

The patient was a young lad, probably of around thirteen or fourteen. His mum stood at the side of his bed, and an older girl who Lily assumed was the boy's big sister stood next to her.

"He was climbing trees," his mum spoke, before he could.

"Can he not speak?" Lily snapped immediately.

The girl smirked to herself, but the woman looked quite taken aback by Lily's tone.

"What's your name?" Lily sighed again, and turned her attention back to the patient.

"Noah," he mumbled, examining Lily carefully.

"Well, Noah, you are a teenager now," Lily said. "Surely you know better than to mess around on trees. It's dangerous and something that kids usually do. I will remove the branch and get your leg fixed up but in the meantime, maybe you could try and grow up a little bit."

"Excuse me?" His mum screeched at the top of her voice. "How dare you talk to my son like that?"

Lily fixed her gaze on Noah's sister. She was tapping away on her mobile phone. She couldn't have been more than a few years older than her brother.

"Lily," Charlie cleared his throat, deciding that now was the time to step in. "At least try and improve your bedside manner, would you?"

Lily felt sick. It was as if everyone in the ED hated her. She admitted the fact that she used to have a problem with her bedside manner but she really thought that it had got better. Clearly, she was wrong though, and didn't that just show how stupid she was?

It made her wonder why Iain was even with her. She loved him and she hoped that he loved her, but what if he was just using her? He could have been dating her until something better came along. She wasn't the prettiest of girls; she didn't have long blonde hair, she wasn't tall and leggy, and she didn't cover herself in tonnes of make-up and wear extremely short dresses.

"Are you even listening to a word that I'm saying?"

Lily snapped out of her trance and lifted her head to see that everyone was looking at her.

"Sorry," Lily whispered.

"Lily, focus," Charlie said, nudging the young doctors arm. He turned to the woman and said something that caused tears to prick Lily's eyes. "I'm sorry. If you did want to make a formal complaint, we'd understand."

Lily wasn't entirely sure what Charlie was getting at. Was he disappointed with her attitude? Or had he realised how awkward the woman was being? Luckily, the woman seemed to think that making a complaint would make their stay even longer.

"No," she said. "Just treat my son, so we can get out of here."

 **A bit of a filler chapter there, but I hope you liked it x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Ben: No, that's fine. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I've actually gone back and changed that so it flows better for the readers. Thank you.**

 **Guest: They really do, I wish I knew who you were! Thank you. I kind of saw it as a filler chapter but it just kept going and actually turned out to be one of my favourite chapters to write. It all goes downhill in this one. Thank you by the way, I would love to be published one day.**

Chapter Eight

Lily stared at the bottle in her hands, and held back the lump that was forming in her throat.

Fear took over her body as if it was a giant, great hole, waiting to swallow her up, along with the huge puddle of self-pity that she'd cried. Her cheeks were stained with black mascara, she'd chewed her nails down to the bone, and she hated herself for what she was slowly becoming.

It hadn't been the best of days, but she'd told herself that she didn't need the drink. She and Iain were totally loved up, they were due to be going for dinner after work, and although her job was stressful at times she absolutely loved it.

Louise's words rang in her ears though, and the memory of Cal's death haunted her. She'd also been lying in a hospital bed that night, but maybe she should have been the one to die instead, and not Cal.

She slowly unscrewed the lid of the bottle and tilted her head back as she began to down the drink.

Anything to get rid of the pain that she was feeling.

* * *

Iain was counting down the hours until the end of his shift.

Not only had it been an exhausting day, but he was really looking forward to having dinner and spending some quality time with his girlfriend. They didn't see an awful lot of each other outside of work, mainly because either one of them or both of them were usually either on a late shift or a night shift. They made it work though.

He'd just got back from a call-out and was now currently in the middle of sorting out the ambulance. He had no idea where Jez had disappeared to.

"Iain!"

He jumped at the sound of Lily's voice and pivoted round to see her leaning against the entrance of the ambulance bay. There was something not quite right about her. She kept falling against the wall, she was giggling at the sight of her boyfriend at work, and she just didn't seem like the normal Lily Chao that Iain had been dating.

As she took a few steps further into the bay, she stumbled, and the all too familiar smell hit him.

"You're drunk," he sighed, jumping down from the ambulance and slamming the doors shut with a loud and heavy bang. "Get out."

"I'm not," Lily whispered, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her coat.

"This is getting ridiculous, Lily," Iain snapped. "You said that you'd change your ways, and we're supposed to be going out for dinner this evening. I don't know what's got you upset or what's made you drink, but is that not something to look forward to?"

"Of course it is," Lily argued. "Iain, I...I had one drink but I'm not drunk."

"Just the one?" Iain raised his eyebrows at her, and Lily went silent. "It's pouring off you, Lily. Look, I don't want to talk to you when you're like this. Get out, or I'll go and get Mrs Beauchamp and she can send you home until you're sober."

"You can't tell Mrs Beauchamp," Lily cried, panic immediately filling her. "I need this job! I'm sorry, Iain."

"You of all people, having treated my mum, should know how much this hurts me," Iain said. "It really does Lily, it hurts. So please, I am begging you here, do not go down this road."

Lily staggered a bit. She grabbed the side of the ambulance and hung her head. Slowly lifting her head to make eye contact with her boyfriend, she spoke in a small and croaky voice.

"Are we still on for dinner later?" She asked.

Iain shook his head and sighed heavily. He wasn't sure what she'd had to drink or how much, but he felt as if he couldn't maintain a proper conversation with her. He could smell the alcohol and the fact that Lily wasn't herself made it even worse.

"Just go, Lily," he whispered. "I have work to do. We'll talk about it later, but I think we ought to leave dinner for today."

Lily stepped away from the ambulance and looked at Iain with sad eyes. He immediately turned away from her to continue with his duties, leaving her no choice but to leave him alone. She sniffed and nodded faintly, before leaving to go back to the ED.

She couldn't believe what Iain had said to her. She'd ruined things again, and without even meaning to. She really thought that the drink would help, and she really thought that Iain would help. He hated her though, just like everybody else.

She felt sick. She felt tired. She felt sad.

"Doctor Chao?"

She couldn't recognise the voice but when she looked up, she saw Connie storming towards her. She didn't look angry, but she did look rushed and busy, and was obviously barking orders at all members of staff.

"I need you in cubicles, because Doctor Hardy has just taken his lunch break," Connie announced, but then noticed the look on Lily's face.

Lily guessed that she could smell the drink as well, just like Iain had done, because her facial expression turned to anger within a couple of seconds. She wasn't aware that she'd had that much, not enough to smell of it anyway.

Connie had completely forgot about Lily's moment of drinking at work. She assumed that she'd had a bad day and that it had just been a one time thing, hence why she'd given her a warning and left it there. However, turning up for work under the influence of alcohol for the second time was worrying and appalling behaviour for anyone, not just Lily.

"Is everything okay?" Connie asked.

Uh-oh. Lily suddenly felt awful. She wasn't sure what it was, but she suddenly couldn't help herself. She leaned forwards and threw up right there in the middle of the busy reception area, all over the floor of the ED, and all over Connie.

Everyone turned to stare at the sight and it was suddenly as if time had stopped. Nearby, Robyn grimaced whilst Max stood beside her with an open mouth. Ignoring her vomit ridden blouse, Connie turned to stand behind Lily and held her hair back as she kept her head hung low. As she touched the ends of Lily's hair, the smell of alcohol seemed stronger and hit her right in the face. She didn't say a word, until Elle and Charlie came rushing over to help.

"She stinks of alcohol," Connie whispered to Elle, fully aware of the fact that everyone was watching.

Elle sighed, running her hands down her face. Connie knew that making a scene would make it ten times worse, and that they should get Lily to a space of privacy before deciding on anything.

"Just don't make a scene," Connie sighed.

"Should we get her to a cubicle?" Charlie offered.

"No." Connie shook her head. "I need to go and clean myself off. Grab a porter to clean up the mess, get Lily to my office and try your best to keep her sober and hydrated. I'll be back to have a word with her."

 **So, this is the chapter that I have been planning for a while. I was going to have it where people don't realise Lily's addiction for quite a while, but with alcohol, that's kind of hard. Obviously Lily would start behaving out of character, they'd be able to smell it on her, and it's quite obvious at times when someone has been drinking.**

 **It's also quite easy to tell when something is going on with Lily, because of the way she is. I hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ben: Indeed! If only saying that to someone was that easy. Thank you so much for your review.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: And that might even happen if she carries on. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **Guest: Thank you! And exactly, people notice that there is something wrong with Lily straight away. I think it's interesting to write a bit about Iain's background in this, considering his mum was an alcoholic as well. It could bring back memories for him. I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you're on the mend and that you get well soon. Sending hugs and I'm glad that I can be of some help with my regular updates. Let's hope I don't get writers block now.**

Chapter Nine

Lily was lying on the sofa in Connie's office, asleep.

Elle was sat at one end of it, biting her nails anxiously and wondering how one of their best doctors could have become so dependent on alcohol. Charlie sat in the chair at the desk, also wondering the same thing. Neither of them said a single word to each other.

The door creaked open and Connie walked back into the office, dressed in a pair of blue scrubs and trainers. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and she sighed heavily when she saw the state that Lily was in.

"Well, at least she's sleeping it off I suppose," she said.

"Got yourself cleaned up then?" Elle asked.

Connie nodded and saw that Charlie was smirking subtly from his chair.

"Don't laugh." She shook her head at him. "I had no choice but to change. You two can go back to work now. I have some paperwork that needs doing anyway so I'll stay in here and wait until she's woken up."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Charlie asked.

"I'll be fine," Connie reassured him, as she looked down at Lily.

Charlie was quick to notice that something was troubling her.

"Don't even think about it, Connie," he said. "You can't protect her from this. She knows the consequences. Of course she needs support from those closest to her, but you can't change the rules."

As soon as Charlie and Elle had left the office in silence, Connie sat down at her desk with her eyes on Lily the whole time. Her hair dangled in her face, she was breathing heavily, and her eyes stayed completely shut. Connie wondered if she'd been sleeping well at night, and how long the drinking had actually been going on for. It was upsetting to see anybody in that situation, but especially Lily. It was so out of character for her, which meant that she was most likely feeling very unhappy in herself. That thought upset Connie even more.

She tapped away on her computer, trying to find the protocol for dealing with a drunk doctor. She was horrified at the idea of having to treat Lily so badly, but she worried that she had no choice in the matter.

Lily suddenly stirred.

Connie looked up and shook her head, as Lily slowly opened her eyes.

"Wakey, wakey," she said. "Feeling better?"

Lily shook her head, wincing as pain shot through her head.

"Alright," Connie sighed. "We can talk and then I'll make you a black coffee or something."

Lily grimaced at the thought and mumbled, "I don't like black coffee."

"Tough," Connie said. "It'll help the hangover."

She stood up from her desk and slowly went to sit on the sofa beside Lily. What was she supposed to say to her exactly? Just as she was about to say something, Charlie walked in with a pile of notes held to his chest.

"Ah, she's awake then," Charlie said, shutting the door behind him.

"I thought I told you to go back to work," Connie said, pursing her lips together to try and hide her frustration.

"I came to give you these," he said, gesturing to the notes and setting them down gently on her desk. "Right, Lily," he sighed, looking towards the registrar. "You need to understand that you are putting Connie in a very difficult position here."

Lily just looked at him, still feeling rather drowsy.

"Charlie, that's enough," Connie interrupted him.

"I've seen this happen before," Charlie persisted, worrying that Connie will compromise patient safety and the running of the entire department. "I know the drill. You try and drag someone out of a dark hole, but you forget they have to want to help themselves first."

"I said that's enough," Connie said, standing up and forcibly removing Charlie from the office. "I will talk to her," she hissed at him, before slamming the door shut. "Lily," she sighed, resting her forehead against the door. "We need to have a tough conversation here and be honest with each other. Why? Why the drinking?"

"It helps me," Lily whispered.

"In what way?" Connie shrugged her shoulders and went to sit back down beside her. "Lily, you're better than this."

"No," Lily snapped and held a hand to her head. "I'm not. I'm an awful person. Just...Just leave me alone."

"You need to understand that I can't have you around the patients in this state," Connie said. "And if I have to book you off for a couple of weeks, then that's what I will do."

"You can't." Small tears began to roll down Lily's cheeks.

"I have no choice," Connie argued. "It's only for a couple of weeks to start off with."

"Please," Lily begged. "Cal's gone, I've lost Iain and...My dad. My job is the only thing that I have."

"What do you mean you've lost Iain?" Connie frowned at her in confusion.

"He hates me now," Lily said. "I can guarantee that he's never going to talk to me again."

"I'm sure he doesn't hate you," Connie said. "But you can't depend on alcohol, Lily. There are better ways to cope and if you need that extra bit of help, then we can get it for you."

"I don't need help," Lily argued, throwing both of her hands to her face. There was silent and she began to take deep breaths, as she choked out, "I...I just need a drink."

* * *

"Iain. Can I have a word?" Connie asked later, when she spotted Iain heading towards the staffroom.

She remembered what Lily had said to her in the office. Her heart had broke in two when Lily had talked about Iain hating her. She still missed her dad and she was obviously grieving Cal's death a lot more than she'd let on. She understood that Iain probably found it difficult to talk to Lily when she'd been drinking, but she didn't want him to give her the cold shoulder.

"If this is about Lily, I...I can't," he said, shaking his head whilst looking close to bursting into tears. "I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp. I just can't."

And with that, he turned and walked away.

Connie didn't know what to do.

* * *

Connie was amazed at what she found whilst doing a bit of research. There was an old article dating back to 2005, suggesting that doctors were second to pub owners and bar staff in terms of being susceptible to alcoholism. She had to admit that she wasn't too surprised by the statement, considering the stuff they had to go through in their work.

She decided to print off some of the articles for Lily to read.

"Lily," she spoke gently and handed them to her in a folder. "If you think you are alone in this, then you're wrong," she said. "Read this."

Lily gave her a sad and puzzled look, and reluctantly took the folder from her.

"Being a doctor is not what this comes down to, Lily," she continued. "It's about stress, emotions, and being human. Come and find me when you're ready to talk about what you want to do in terms of finding help."

 **This chapter took loads of research so I hope you liked it. Giatrix also helped out a bit as well, so thank you for that lovely! Updates will be slow for a few days as I'm rather busy and then off to Cardiff with my friend.**

 **However, I will try and update when I return home. Thank you for reading x**


	10. Chapter 10

**casualtyfics111: It is unfortunately. There will be lots of Iain in this chapter. Thanks so much for the lovely review.**

 **Guest: Thank you so much and indeed, sometimes a pep talk from Charlie is all you need to feel better. Thanks so much and I'm sure we will. I'd love to meet Crystal at the studios but I don't think she's there unfortunately. I'll still have an amazing time though :-) x**

Chapter Ten

Iain couldn't help but feel guilty for the way that he'd treated Lily.

He should have supported her more, instead of ignoring her like he had done. He'd let her down and he was running away from the problem, just like he'd done with his mum. He was an awful person. Even when Connie had tried to talk to him about it, he'd refused.

It wasn't until later when he made the decision to talk to Connie. He hadn't seen Lily since his run in with her earlier, and wondered if she'd still be with Connie.

He sighed heavily and hesitated outside of her office, before knocking lightly on the door.

"Come in," Connie called.

She sounded serious, and maybe slightly angry as well. Iain could never tell with her. He exhaled deeply and walked inside, forcing a smile when he saw the clinical lead sat at her desk. There was no sign of Lily.

"Now you want to talk," Connie sighed. "I'm kind of busy at the moment, Iain."

"Sorry," Iain apologised, gently shutting the door behind him. "Where's Lily?"

"I've sent her home," Connie said. "She's been suspended for a period of fourteen working days, for obvious reasons. What happened between the two of you earlier?"

"I just couldn't do it," Iain sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She was completely and utterly wasted, Mrs Beauchamp. I'd already spoken to her about it before, she promised me that she'd change her ways, and she didn't. It...It brought back too many memories of my childhood. I feel bad though, and I feel as if I should try and help her more."

"It's understandable for you to feel like that," Connie said. "And well done for speaking to me about it. I'm glad that you want to help Lily, and that's the right thing to do. What do you suggest?"

"I don't know." Iain shrugged his shoulders. "But I don't feel like a gentle approach is the right way to go. It sounds awful, but I feel as if we need to be harsh to be kind if you get what I'm saying. She'll then realise how her drinking affects other people and will...Hopefully stop."

"I understand and I have to agree with you," Connie said, clicking her pen whilst deep in thought. "I was trying to be gentle with her earlier and it seemed like the right idea at the time, but I don't think any of what I said went in."

Iain nodded meekly and said, "I just...I never had the chance to help my mum and no matter how hard it is, I want to try and help Lily. She's my girlfriend and I love her at the end of the day."

"I know you do," Connie said, feeling small tears in her eyes. "And she will get better. I know that it may seem hard to believe now, but she will. Hopefully, some time off work will do her some good."

"Yeah." Iain managed a small smile. "Hopefully."

* * *

After paying the taxi driver, Lily fell through the door of the building and clumsily made her way up the stairs to her flat. She didn't understand why Connie had called her a taxi, she could have easily made her own way home. Also, she didn't understand why Connie had suspended her.

She staggered into her kitchen and opened one of the cupboard doors. There it was, the exact thing that she was looking for. A bottle of red wine. She ran her tongue along her lips and made a quick grab for it, before unscrewing the lid. Collapsing back against the counter, she began to down the bottle. It felt good to drink and seemed to be the only thing that she was looking forward to now. Iain hated her, she had no job, so what was the point in trying?

She carried the bottle through to the living room and threw herself onto the sofa. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she didn't even attempt to wipe them away. She had another sip, screwed the lid back on, and hugged the bottle to her chest for some kind of comfort.

She felt so alone, so sad, and so hopeless. With every sip of wine, she felt more alone, and sad, and hopeless. Suddenly, she stopped drinking and thought for a moment.

"What am I doing?" She asked herself, sitting bolt upright with the half drank bottle of wine in hand. "This isn't me!"

She ran a hand through her hair and stood up from the sofa, making her way over to her iPod that was charging on the docking station. She turned it on and scrolled through her list of songs, eventually choosing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

"Tune!" She shouted, punching the air.

She turned it up to full volume and began to dance around the living room, taking a long swig of the bottle in between lyrics. She'd never felt so alive. The song built up more and more, and she continued to dance and spin and drink.

As the song ended, she collapsed back onto the sofa and examined the now empty wine bottle. There wasn't even a dribble left. Another song came on, but she needed more alcohol.

Setting the empty bottle down onto the carpet, she grabbed some money and left for the local store.

 **So just a bit of a filler chapter but things will start moving along from here. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm off to Cardiff tomorrow so I'm feeling very excited about that :-) x**


	11. Chapter 11

**Guest: Thank you so much. Cardiff was fantastic thank you. I met Charlotte Salt and Chelsea Halfpenny, which was awesome :-)**

 **Captain Nut Nut: Thank you. I always try and make sure the characters stay in character, although that can be quite hard sometimes. I find Charlie quite easy to write for, just not as a main character lol. Thanks for the review.**

Chapter Eleven

Lily woke up the next day, with the feeling that something was missing.

Her head was pounding, she felt sick, and her vision was blurred, but something was definitely missing. She couldn't work out what it was at first, until she saw the time and realised that it was 1:00pm. She was supposed to be at work.

"Shit," she cursed, throwing the covers off her.

She tripped over an empty alcohol bottle that lay on the floor, and raced across her room to her wardrobe. Her hair was a greasy mess but she made a mental note to shower later, and just chucked some clothes on. She grabbed her bag and her mobile phone and ran into the kitchen at full speed. She didn't have time to eat but she was glad that she'd stocked up on the alcohol last night. She may not have been hungry but she really needed a drink.

She chose one of the bottles and unscrewed the top before downing it in one huge gulp. She grabbed a few of the mini bottles, chucked them into her bag and left for work, praying that she wouldn't be in any trouble.

She was over four hours late.

* * *

"Lily?" Alicia looked confused to see her, when she arrived outside the ED. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for work, aren't I?" Lily rambled, her words mixing together. "I have to go. I'm already late and Mrs Beauchamp will be cross if she finds out. I bet she's already found out, hasn't she? Who am I kidding? Of course she has."

"Lily. You need to go home," Alicia told her. "Mrs Beauchamp suspended you, don't you remember? You shouldn't be here."

"Suspended?" Lily stepped away from the junior and ran a hand through her hair. "No, no. I...I'm a registrar here, Doctor Munroe. I'm one of the best so I suggest that you move out of my way."

Alicia flinched, as Lily attempted to push her to one side. She could smell the alcohol on her breath, and it scared her. This was someone who'd once bullied her out of a job, who'd once been so confident and together, and now she was slowly drinking her life away. No one had quite known the full story behind Lily's suspension, but Connie had briefly explained to them that she was undergoing some 'personal stuff,' and Alicia guessed that the stench of alcohol had something to do with it.

"Move, Doctor Munroe!" Lily shouted, getting up close and personal in her face.

"Lily!" Someone shouted from across the road.

Iain? Lily turned and saw her boyfriend storming over to her. She'd never been so pleased to see him.

"Iain." She beamed and threw herself into his arms, giving him a loving peck on the cheek. "Please inform Doctor Munroe that I have a duty of care and that I need to get on with my work!"

"No, Lily." Iain shook his head, pushing her away from him. "Alicia's right. Mrs Beauchamp suspended you, so you need to go home. You best do that before she finds out that you're here."

"Iain. Why...Why are you talking to me like that?" Lily backed off, confused and upset.

"Why am I talking to you like that?" Iain drew his brows and wrinkled his forehead. "Because you've been drinking, Lily! Mrs Beauchamp suspended you for drinking, and you don't even remember! Then you turn up at work, drunk again, and expecting to carry on as if nothing's happened?"

"I'm not drunk!" She argued, tears rolling down her face.

She turned to look at Alicia, who remained where she was, scared and upset by Lily's behaviour.

"We're just going round in circles here, Lily," Iain said. "I'm sorry but I am done here, until you realise that you have a serious problem. Just...Just go home, please."

Lily shook her head and her bag fell off of her shoulder. "I...I don't want to go home," she cried. "I want to be here, with you."

Iain was finding it extremely difficult to stay angry with her, but he remembered the conversation that he'd had with Connie, and he saw the mess that Lily was in. He had no choice.

"G...Go home, Lily," Iain said, his voice suddenly soft and quiet.

He turned and gently took Alicia by the shoulder, before leading her away from the scene.

* * *

Connie was walking down the corridor, a set of notes in hand, when she suddenly heard crying coming from the nearest supply cupboard. She frowned and took a few steps back, knowing that she couldn't possibly leave whoever it was alone. She drew nearer to the cupboard door and slowly turned the handle to open it.

Lily was sat on the floor of the cupboard, her back against the wall and her knees hugged to her chest, thick tears rolling down both sides of her face.

"Oh, for goodness sake," Connie exhaled, shaking her head at her. "What on earth are you doing in here?"

"I just wanted to be alone," Lily sobbed, wiping an escaped tear away from the side of her face.

"No, not here here," Connie emphasised. "Here! In the ED! Do you not know the meaning of suspension, Lily?"

Lily slowly lifted her eyes so that she was looking at Connie. More and more tears continued to fill and trickle down her cheeks and it was as if she was purposely trying to make Connie feel sorry for her.

"I'll call you a taxi," Connie told her, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. "You need to go home."

Lily hiccuped and whacked her head back against the wall, her tears falling harder than ever. Connie sighed and rolled her eyes. She rubbed at the vein that was forming in her forehead, as Lily tried to form a sentence that made sense.

"Lily," Connie tried to interrupt. "Lily. Lily, listen to me. I don't want to hear it. You've been drinking again."

"I haven't," Lily hiccuped in between sobs. "I just...I want to...To come back to work."

"Look," Connie sighed, leaning down to pick up Lily's bag.

Lily didn't even attempt to stop her, just gasped and stared at Connie with wide eyes. The clinical lead opened the top of her bag to reveal the mini bottles of alcohol, some empty and some full.

"I don't know what's happened to cause this downward spiral, but it needs to stop," Connie said, throwing the bag back down onto the floor. "Things have escalated all too quickly for my liking, Lily. The suspension isn't a punishment, more an opportunity for you to sort things out."

"Everyone hates me," Lily cried.

Clearly, she wasn't listening to a word that Connie was saying.

"Stop wallowing in self pity and pull yourself together," Connie snapped. "Get up and you can sit in my office until your taxi arrives."

"I can make my own way home," Lily slurred, stumbling as she struggled to stand up straight.

"I highly doubt that right now," Connie sighed, as Lily collapsed against her and took hold of her hand. "No, let go please. You're not a child." She picked up Lily's bag and shut the door, before turning back to her. "I realise that getting better on your own could be a struggle for you, so I'm going to dispose of these," she said, gesturing to the bag full of alcohol bottles. "I wouldn't be a very good boss now if I let you go home with a stash now, would I? Or friend for that matter."

"Friend?" Lily crinkled her forehead, as she tried to process Connie's words.

"People don't hate you," Connie sighed, removing the bottles one by one and gently dropping them into the nearby bin. "Come on, trouble. Make yourself comfortable in my office and I'll call you that taxi."

"Can I come back tomorrow?" Lily slurred, as they walked down the corridor towards Connie's office.

"No," Connie replied. "I said come and find me when you're ready to talk about getting help, and I don't think you've quite reached that stage just yet. Go home, get yourself better, and we'll see how things are at the end of your suspension."

 **Just come back from Cardiff. I met Charlotte Salt and Chelsea Halfpenny, and they are both so lovely! I was extremely pleased to meet Chelsea as I totally adore her. I hope you enjoyed the chapter x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Captain Nut Nut: Thank you and I think you could be right there. I wouldn't go that far, lol.** **Personally, I hate the majority of stuff that I write. Enjoy Mind Games though. I have new ideas that I want to post too but can't until I finish something.**

 **casualtyfics111: It does, but I suppose that is the only way. I'm glad you liked that part. I felt it just got across the way he wants to help, but can't at the same time. There will be a really cute scene with them soon, so look forward to that.**

 **Guest: It is unfortunately. Thanks for another lovely review and enjoy the update.**

Chapter Twelve

As soon as Lily's taxi arrived, Connie went straight outside to explain the situation to the driver. She knew that taxi drivers were used to carrying around drunks, but certainly not in the middle of the afternoon. Lily had been half asleep in the office, so Connie never expected to go back and find that she'd disappeared.

"Lily?" She panicked, hurrying straight out of the office and over to Elle who was stood at reception. "Where's Lily?" She panicked.

"At home," Elle said in confusion. "Didn't we suspend her?"

"Yes, and then she turned up at work today," Connie sighed, running a hand through her hair. "She was drunk, again, and I left her in the office whilst I went to talk to the taxi driver. Now she's gone."

"Okay, Connie," Elle calmed, holding her hands up. "Calm down. She can't have gone far. Firstly, why did you leave a drunk, stubborn, and angry woman on her own?"

"Stop it, alright?" Connie hissed. "She was half asleep when I left her."

"Okay." Elle nodded. "Well, I'm sure she'll be around somewhere. I'll let Charlie know, alright? Just tell the driver to wait."

"Fine," Connie sighed. "But I don't know how long he's willing to wait for."

* * *

Lily leaned against the wall and held the bottle of vodka to her lips. She exhaled deeply and stuffed one hand into the pocket of her coat, cold filling her body. She prayed that Connie wouldn't find her, as she knew how much trouble she'd be in with her. Instead, she just had Charlie on her case.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, walking over in his coat to keep warm. "Inside. Now."

"Why?" Lily asked, as she had another drink.

"Because Connie is looking everywhere for you," he said sternly. "You are just making things a whole lot worse for yourself here, Lily. Put that down and come with me. I think your taxi is here now anyway."

"I thought you told me to go inside," Lily slurred, pulling her hand away as Charlie tried to snatch the bottle from her. "But how can I if I have to get in a stupid taxi?"

"Do not smart-mouth me," Charlie scolded, and took hold of her arm. "Come on."

"Don't touch me!" Lily screamed at him. "You have no right to touch me! I can have you done for sexual assault."

"Okay, there is no need for that now," Charlie sighed, wondering how on earth he was going to manage her by himself. "Just come with me, please. Now. I'm not messing around here, Lily."

"Neither am I." Lily had another swig from the bottle. "If you touch me again, I'll call the police."

"Stop drinking," Charlie spat angrily.

"You can't tell me what to do!" Lily screamed so loud, that the whole of Australia probably heard her.

Charlie flinched and stepped away from her. He wasn't sure what else he was supposed to do. He was thankful when he saw Connie strolling towards them, clearly relieved that Lily wasn't lying unconscious in a ditch somewhere.

"Charlie," she spoke, her voice soft but stern. "Let me deal with her."

"Do you need a woman to rescue you now?" Lily said to Charlie. "Can't you possibly handle things on your own?"

"Lily. That's enough!" Connie scolded her, arriving at Charlie's side. "Where did you get that bottle?"

"Fished it out of the bin, didn't I?" Lily answered. "You did throw them away right in front of my eyes."

"You have a serious problem," Connie whispered. "And you can't even see it. You just got alcohol out of a bin, Lily. Does that not tell you anything?"

Lily looked down at the bottle in her hands. She felt sick. She sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve before having another sip. She hugged the bottle to her chest and rested her head against the wall, suddenly feeling tired.

"You've had enough of that," Connie said, slowly beginning to raise her voice. "Stop please, and come and get in this taxi!"

"Connie!" Charlie shouted, before things escalated and went too far.

"No, Charlie!" Connie raised a hand to him. "I'm sick and tired of it! This is not the Lily Chao we know, and it needs to stop before it gets completely out of control!"

"Just...Stop shouting," Charlie whispered, aware that people around could probably hear them. "You're causing a scene."

"I'm causing a scene?" Connie questioned him, eyebrows raised. "I'm causing a scene? I'm not the one who's causing arguments whilst drinking in the middle of the afternoon, Charlie!"

Lily rolled her eyes and remained where she was, continuing to down the bottle of alcohol. The sickness stayed in her stomach, and strands of hair stuck to her face, but with every sip she felt happier and more alive.

"Right. Give me that." Connie suddenly lost all patience, storming over and grabbing the bottle from Lily's grip. "I have tried to be kind and sincere, but I've had it. You've argued with us, you have raised your voice at us, you have disobeyed us, and you snuck out of my office to drink when I told you to stay put! If you don't want to help yourself, then I am done Lily, and I mean every word!"

"Give it back!" Lily screamed angrily.

"No." Connie held the bottle at arms length, lips pursed. "I've tried my best to stay pleasant, and you are making it extremely difficult for me. Now, I want you to come with us, go home, and don't return to this ED until your suspension is over. Today shouldn't have happened and it wouldn't have happened unless you were sober."

"Connie, stop," Charlie whispered, running his hands down his face. "Please stop, before one of you says something that you'll regret."

"I hate you," Lily whispered, fat tears rolling down her face as she shook her head at Connie. "I hate you so much. Why? Why couldn't it have been you that was killed, instead of Cal?

Connie couldn't take it anymore. She'd tried everything to get through to her but words clearly had no effect and the only words which were coming out of Lily's mouth now were dripping with spite and alcohol.

Connie swung her arm before she could stop herself. Her palm sharply made contact with Lily's cheek, sending her falling backwards. Lily stumbled. She lost her balance and fell against the wall behind her. Her shaking hand went up to her stinging cheek. She lightly touched the sore skin and winced in pain. She looked up at Connie, her eyes full of hurt and brimming with tears.

"Lily..." Connie spoke, realising what on earth she'd gone and done. "I...I'm sorry...I..."

Lily shook her head and pushed past her before running off down the road. Charlie sighed and threw his head back, unable to take in what had just happened. Lily kept running, wiping away the tears that were quickly escaping from her eyes. Her cheek stung but that wasn't what was upsetting her, it was the fact that Connie had slapped her in the first place.

She ran straight through the ambulance bay, stopping dead in her tracks when she almost ran into an oncoming ambulance. She gulped and allowed her tears to fall as she stood seconds away from the bonnet, looking through the window at Iain's terrified face.

There was more than just terror in his eyes though.

There was disappointment.

 **So I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I hope it wasn't too dramatic. I've been writing it all day, trying to get it just right. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think x**


	13. Chapter 13

**casualtyfics111: This review almost made me cry! Happy tears of course! Seriously, I really don't deserve such lovely comments. I thought a serious injury might be too much at this point in the story. Poor Connie indeed though. She really is torn, trying to be kind and help Lily but ends up letting her anger get the better of her. I agree. I know my mum has lashed out before because she's been worried about something. It happens. I'm glad you liked the last sentence of the chapter and I'm glad that the emotion got through as well. Lots of Lily and Iain in this chapter. Thank you again.**

 **Guest: Dramatic is one word for it. Connie and Lily have always been two favourites of mine, but I can never write Connie as a main character, so I usually write her as a motherly figure towards Lily. What Lily said was awful and something that she can't take back unfortunately, so let's hope that Connie forgives her. You'll see what happens with Iain in this chapter.**

 **ReadingxTherapy: Thank you! I wish they had as well. They showed a lot of Ethan's grief, which is understandable, but I really wish that they had showed more of how the others felt as well. Everyone was close to Cal. I think Connie is trying to act sincere and gentle towards Lily, knowing that she can't help it, but struggles when Lily ends up lashing out as well. It all just ends up in one big argument then. That will happen at some point, so keep reading. Thanks for your lovely review and I'm really glad to hear that my writing has inspired you to write as well.**

Chapter Thirteen

"What's up, bro?"

Iain lifted his eyes to meet his sister's, and realised that he hadn't actually breathed a single, stray word to her. He'd been there for ten minutes and he suddenly felt awful that he hadn't been talking. He loved his sister and he tried to visit her as often as he could but honestly, all he could think about was Lily.

He kept having flashbacks to her running out in front of the ambulance. The shear look of panic on her face, the tears in her eyes, and the way she'd just froze in front of him. He was lucky to have stopped in time, or who knows what would have happened? She'd been drunk though. It was obvious. He'd seen alcohol addiction before, with his mum and with patients in the ED, and he knew how hard it was to overcome. Lily didn't seem to be making any progress whatsoever though.

"I'm sorry," he apologised to his sister, a small tear escaping his left eye.

"What's happened?" Gem asked, fearing the worst. "Is it mum? Are you okay?"

When Iain shook his head at both suggestions, only one other person came to Gem's mind.

"Is it Lily?" She asked. "Is she okay?"

"No." All Iain could do was answer as honestly as he could. "She's not okay, Gem. She's far from it in fact."

"What's happened?" Gem asked.

"I honestly don't know," he said. "She's been drinking, heavily."

"That doesn't sound like Lily," Gem stated, frowning in confusion. "What's brought that on?"

"When it started, it was just little things," Iain said. "Going to the pub, having a few drinks, but it got to the point where it was happening every night to the point where she'd go into work with a hangover. She said something about being more like Cal. I don't think she's coping with his death very well."

"Well, has anyone spoken to her about that?" Gem asked.

"I haven't, personally," Iain sighed, hanging his head and running his hands down his face. "I can't. I want to talk to her but it is just so difficult, Gemma. I find myself getting angry because she is slowly killing herself and she's too blind to see it. It just reminds me of mum and what hurts me more, is that Lily knows that our mum was an alcoholic. It's just so, incredibly selfish."

"I get what you're saying," Gem said. "But mum couldn't help it, and I'm sure Lily can't either. Once you're in that mindset, you just...You don't think of other people, do you?"

Iain just looked down at the table in silence.

"Iain, look at me," Gem whispered, leaning across the table to take his hand in hers. "Before I ended up in prison, I used to steal things. I thought it was the right thing at the time because I needed to survive, so I didn't think about the consequences and I didn't think about how my friends and family would feel."

"That was different though," he said. "You needed food to survive. Lily doesn't need alcohol."

"But she feels like she does," Gem told him. "In her head, she's probably dying because she feels so numb inside. It may only last for a short period of time but when you've had a few drinks, you feel happy and alive."

"I guess," he had to agree.

"Let me ask you this," Gem said. "If you had a chance to help mum earlier, before things got out of control, would you have done?"

After a moment of hesitation, the only response that Iain could give was a silent nod.

* * *

Lily was sat on the floor of her bedroom, leaning back against the bed with her knees hugged to her chest. A half full bottle of red wine sat on the carpet beside her, along with a red stain that had occured in an hour or rage with another bottle.

The registrar sniffed and a loud sob escaped her mouth, as she made a poor attempt to wipe away her tears. Her cheek still stung, but she tried her best not to let the pain get to her. She had enough of that inside of her.

"Can I come in?"

She lifted her head and spotted Iain leaning against the doorframe. She grabbed the bottle and had a small sip, whilst nodding at him to enter.

"I've um...I've just been to visit Gem," he said, clearing his throat and sitting down on the floor beside her.

He made sure to take the other side, avoiding the alcohol stain on the carpet.

"She's doing well," he added. "Sometimes they let people out on account of their good behaviour, so I'm kind of hoping that it happens for her." There was a pause and he folded his arms over his knees, sighing to himself. "You really scared me earlier, Lily. What happened?"

"I ran out in front of you," Lily slurred, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Yeah. I know," he whispered. "And I could have hit you. What were you thinking?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Connie did," she said.

"What?" Iain frowned. She knew that Connie had been struggling with Lily's drinking, just as much as he had been, but he'd never expected her to slap Lily. "What do you mean?" He questioned.

"Connie hit me. We were arguing," Lily said quietly, and wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve. "And she slapped me. That's why I ran off. I didn't mean to run out in front of you."

"She slapped you?" Iain just couldn't process what Lily was telling him. "She shouldn't have slapped you, Lily. Did she hurt you?"

"It stings a bit," Lily admitted, coughing whilst having another sip of her drink.

"I'm going to talk to her, alright?" Iain said, anger building up inside of him. "She can't lash out at you like that, no matter what's going on and no matter how difficult you're being."

"You think I'm being difficult?" Lily asked.

"You know you're being difficult," Iain sighed. "But Connie still shouldn't have hit you." He rested his head back against the bed and asked, "Do you remember when you told my mum that one more drink could kill her?"

Lily shrugged. Honestly, she did remember, but she wasn't going to admit that.

"I don't want it to get that far with you, Lily," Iain said. "I care about you way too much. I may not have been able to help my mum in time, but I would like to try and help you."

"I don't need help, Iain," Lily cried. "And I wish that everyone would stop thinking that I do."

"You're drinking now," Iain said, gesturing towards the bottle that she'd been drinking from. "I don't know what you want to do here, but I would really like a relationship with you. However, if your relationship with drink is more important then...That's fine."

"I love you," Lily sobbed, resting her head against his shoulder.

"And I love you," Iain said, rolling his eyes. "But you need to understand how difficult this is for me, especially if you won't admit the fact that you need help. I'm going to talk to Connie, okay?"

"You won't shout at her, will you?" Lily asked. "I don't want you to lose your job."

"She shouldn't have hit you," Iain said. "But I'll try and keep my calm, don't worry. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

Iain thought that she'd say no, that she'd push him away and tell him how much she wanted to be alone. Her answer surprised him.

"Yes please."

 **Thanks for all of your support so far. I hope you enjoyed the bits between Lily and Iain. It's pretty hard because I want them to be in a relationship and obviously they love each other, but Lily's addiction is bound to be difficult for Iain. I don't know what you think. Let me know if you have any thoughts or opinions on that.**

 **There'll be a Lily and Connie chapter next x**


	14. Chapter 14

**Captain Nut Nut: Thank you. I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story.**

 **Guest: I love Gem and I love writing scenes that include her. There will be more Iain and Lily to come. Thanks again for reviewing.**

Chapter Fourteen

Iain went straight to Connie's office the next morning.

He didn't want to cause an argument and he didn't want it to sound as if he was telling Connie how to do her job, but she shouldn't have hit Lily. He hoped that she realised that as well, and that she was looking into apologising. Lily was in a vulnerable state and although he was guilty for shouting at her and suggesting that they should be stern, Connie had taken it too far.

Charlie was also in the office, but Iain didn't even hesitate.

"Why did you hit Lily?" He just came straight out and asked.

"You spoke to her then?" Connie sighed, exchanging glances with Charlie whilst in the middle of writing a report. "I feel bad, okay? Tensions were high and it was in the heat of the moment."

"She said you were arguing and that you hit her," Iain said. "I know we agreed to be strict with Lily, but you shouldn't have lashed out like that."

"It doesn't sound as if she told you the full story, Iain," Connie said. "Did she tell you what she said to me, or did she just tell you that I'd hit her?"

Iain held back the lump in his throat, and shook his head. In all honesty, Lily hadn't told them what they'd argued about, just that they'd argued. He looked towards Charlie who just exhaled and stayed silent. It was clear to Iain that he was just as angry as he was, and he wondered whether or not he'd had a word with Connie about it as well.

"She told me that she wished it was me who had died, not Cal," Connie said, tears stinging her eyes as she spoke. "I lost it, okay? I shouldn't have and I'm sorry, but she had no right to say that."

"I know," Iain whispered. "But that wasn't Lily talking. It was the alcohol talking. Come on, you know Lily and you know that she would never say something like that, to anyone."

There was an awkward silence between them.

"She was in a really bad way last night," Iain said. "I've never seen her so upset. She'd left the front door unlocked and when I walked in, she was just sat on the floor of her bedroom in tears."

"Oh goodness," Connie sighed, throwing her head back and holding her hands to her face. "I might pop round today, if I ever find the time amongst all this paperwork."

"Actually, I personally think that the paperwork can wait," Charlie spoke up for the first time since Iain's arrival. "Lily can't."

* * *

Remembering what Iain had said about the front door being unlocked, Connie just turned the handle and went straight into Lily's flat. She was amazed at what she saw. The entire flat was a mess and dirty cups and plates sat untouched in the kitchen sink. She shuddered at the sight and walked into the living room, where she saw Lily passed out on the sofa. Four empty bottles lay on the carpet and Connie wondered whether she'd downed them all that morning.

She sighed solemnly and gently crouched down beside Lily. She really didn't want her to sleep the days away, consumed in pity and alcohol.

"Lily," Connie whispered, placing a hand on the ridge of her back. "Lily. Wake up for me, please."

Lily groaned and coughed, as she rolled onto her back. The sunlight from the window hit her eyes and caused her to wince. She rubbed at her head and sat up, barely acknowledging the fact that Connie had suddenly appeared. As soon as she sat up, she lurched forwards and threw up all over the carpet, missing Connie by inches.

"Okay. Are we going to make a habit of this now then?" She asked, remembering the last time that Lily had vomited all over her. "Is that it?" She sighed, giving her back a gentle rub.

"Why are you here?" Lily groaned, wiping at her mouth.

"Come into the kitchen and I'll get you a glass of water," Connie suggested. "We can chat there. I'll clean this up later."

Lily staggered to her feet, swaying from side to side as she walked with Connie to the kitchen.

"I don't want any water!" Lily screamed, falling into one of the chairs.

"Listen. You have just been sick, and neither vodka or wine is going to help that," Connie said, grabbing a glass and holding it under the cold tap. "I came here to have a sensible conversation with you and I'd rather it not end in a screaming match like it did yesterday."

She slammed the glass down in front of Lily and pulled up a chair. Lily groaned in frustration and picked up the glass with a shaking hand.

"I'm going to get straight to the point, alright?" Connie said. "I'm sorry for hitting you. I shouldn't have done it, and it won't happen again."

Lily nodded, her fingers curled around the glass. Her greasy hair dangled in her face and her eyes looked red and sore. She looked as if she hadn't slept in days even though Connie knew that she spent the majority of her day in bed.

"You were in the wrong too," Connie whispered. "You shouldn't have said that to me, and I found it rather upsetting. I'm sure everyone else would have felt the same, and I know Charlie did for a start."

Lily pushed the glass away, sniffing and holding her hands to her face. She coughed as if she was going to be sick again, and whimpered at the pain in her head. Connie could smell the alcohol on her and she noticed that her hands were constantly shaking, and she couldn't stand to see one of her most promising doctors in such an awful downward spiral. She hated to admit it, but she was scared.

"Can I ask you something?" Connie asked.

"You just did," Lily mumbled, her words slurred and croaky.

"Before, when you mentioned Cal? Are you struggling with his death?" Connie said. "You need to talk to me here, Lily. We all focused so much on Ethan because he was the one who'd lost his brother, but everyone was close to Cal and I know that you and Cal weren't on very good terms before he died."

Lily sniffed and shook her head, tears starting to fall from her eyes at full speed. "Just...S...Stop..." She choked out, hands held to her face.

"Come here," Connie sighed and got closer to Lily, wrapping her arms around her neck and pulling her in for a hug.

Lily didn't even try to pull away. She collapsed into Connie's arms in floods of tears, clinging to her as if she was reverting back to a child. Connie had no idea that Lily was grieving so much, but no one had even stopped to ask her. It seemed as if Lily just wanted someone to hold her and tell her that it was going to be okay, and the constant drinking was her way of asking for it.

"It's okay," Connie whispered, gently rocking her whilst resting her chin on the top of her head. "I'm here. Talk to me."

"I can't," Lily sobbed. "I don't want to!"

"Please," Connie begged. "I want to help. You can't get better on your own, and I think you know that."

"I don't need help," Lily yelled, her hands clenching into fists.

Connie didn't even fear her. Lily's raised voice and her clenched fists was just her defensive side coming out because she didn't want to talk about Cal, and she didn't want to admit that she was seriously unwell. Lily had never been one to talk about her feelings, but she knew that many other people with alcohol addiction didn't like to admit that they needed help. It wasn't uncommon.

"I just..." Lily hiccuped, as Connie gently pushed her away and took hold of her hand. "I never got to say sorry to him. I know...I know Ethan always wanted to be more like Cal and part of me thought that it would help. People liked Cal, he...He wasn't the kind of person to waste his life away."

"But you're not wasting your life away, Lily," Connie spoke gently, stroking wet strands of hair out of her face. "You have done so well for yourself and Cal would have been proud of you. We all really miss him, including me."

"Y...You?" Lily choked out. "Really?"

"I may not have spoken about it much, but yes I do," Connie said. "Cal was a good doctor and although he had his moments, he was a lovely guy. I always had a soft spot for him and it broke my heart that we couldn't save him."

"It's my fault," Lily said, and she started to cry harder.

"Now, how did you work that out?" Connie asked.

"I was being treated at the same time as Mr Ellison," Lily cried. "If I hadn't got hit, you could have been able to focus on him more and he might have survived. Then...Then Scott wouldn't have blamed Ethan and...Killed Cal."

"Do you really think that?" Connie asked. "Mr Ellison still would have died Lily, I'm sure. Besides, it wasn't your fault that you got hit by a car. Cal's death was unfortunate, but it was no one's fault."

"I just wish I'd been able to apologise," Lily cried.

"I know you do, but we can't help these things," Connie said. "Cal knew that you cared about him though and he may have been the kind of guy who lived on the wild side, but he never took it this far, did he? You can be more like Cal, without the need to drink."

She ran the tip of her thumb over Lily's shaking knuckles and gave her a gentle smile.

"I have a suggestion," Connie said. "How about you go and visit Cal's grave? Have you been since he died?"

"No," Lily whispered, shaking her head at her.

"I think it would really help you," Connie said. "Go and visit him, eh? I can always come with you. If not, you could go with Iain."

Lily faintly nodded and asked, "What if I can't do it?"

"Well," Connie sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Then you can come straight home."

 **A few emotional chapters to come so I hope you guys are okay with that. So, it seems as if things could be getting slightly better for Lily, but will that actually happen or not? Of course, alcohol addiction is a difficult thing to battle and she is still on suspension. It could be a long time until she's fully recovered again, but let's see what happens. I hope you're all still enjoying the story x**


	15. Chapter 15

**Captain Nut Nut: It's probably all three to be honest, lol. It was a hard chapter to write but probably one of my favourites. This chapter was even harder though, so I hope it's okay. Thanks for the lovely feedback. I always try to keep people in character.**

 **Giatrix: Thank you so much. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Thank you for the suggestion as well.**

Chapter Fifteen

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Iain pulled up outside the church and turned the engine off. He sighed heavily and turned towards his girlfriend who was sat in the passenger seat. She was dressed in a pair of jogging bottoms, a black shirt and a black hooded jacket. Iain was amazed and sad to see how much alcohol had changed her. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, showing off the fact that it hadn't been washed in days.

"No, thank you," Lily whispered and shook her head. "I'd rather be on my own."

"Alright." Iain nodded, feeling proud of her. "I'll wait here though, okay? Take as long as you need."

Lily nodded back and opened the car door, before climbing out and shutting it behind her. She sniffed and wiped her nose on her jacket sleeve, before opening the gate to the graveyard and walking up the path. She tried to remember where Cal was buried, and it made her head hurt. She moved her bag to her other shoulder and turned to walk up the path beside the church.

There it was.

Cal's grave.

Lily didn't really know what she was supposed to do. It had been Connie's suggestion after all, and Iain had gone and agreed that it was a good idea. Self-consciously, she looked to see if anyone was around, and breathed a sigh of relief when she couldn't see anyone. She knelt down on the grass in front of the headstone and fiddled anxiously with the ends of her sleeves.

"Hi Cal." She felt so stupid. "I um...I don't really know what to say. It feels kind of weird to be honest."

She sighed and began to anxiously scratch her arms.

"I don't know," she whispered and shrugged her shoulders. "You probably know what's been happening. I um...I don't really know how death works exactly. I'm sure you're in Heaven anyway. You were always a good person, better than me anyway."

She paused and allowed her tears to fall.

"I was so awful to you," she sobbed. "When I became a registrar, I was horrible. Then during that stupid strike, I was horrible, and I never even got the chance to apologise. Well, I'm apologising now. I'm so sorry, Cal, and I wish, more than anything, that you were alive! I hate what I have become, Cal. I...I need you."

Lily really hoped that she'd get some kind of reply, even though she knew how ridiculous it was. Not being able to hear his voice just caused her to cry harder.

"Cal!" She screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks at full speed. "Just say something, please!"

Of course he didn't answer.

"Cal!" She screamed again.

Her heart hurt as it slowly started to fill with pain.

She grabbed hold of her bag that she'd thrown to one side and rummaged around inside for any sign of drink. She found a mini bottle of vodka that she'd snuck in that morning, and she quickly unscrewed the lid and held the bottle to her mouth.

"Lily?" A voice sounded.

"Cal?" Lily's screams quietened, but she continued to cry silently.

"No. It's me." It was Iain.

Lily pivoted round and quickly stumbled to her feet. Iain was stood behind her, hands in his pockets, sadness and disappointment on his face. He shook his head and slowly made his way across the grass to stand opposite her.

"What are you doing, Lily?" He sighed. "Cal wouldn't want this."

"I...I just want to hear his voice," she cried, as Iain gently took hold of her arms. "One more time. I just want to hear him talk, Iain."

"But you know that isn't possible, Chuckles," Iain whispered, removing the loose strands of hair from her eyes. "Okay? Come on. I think this was a bad idea for you and I think we need to get you home."

"No," Lily sobbed hysterically, stepping away with the drink in her hand. "I need to apologise. I...I need for him to know that I'm sorry."

"And you've done that, and he does know," Iain said. "Trust me. Lily, please. Let's go home."

* * *

"When do you think Lily will be at work?" Alicia asked, as she sat at a round table in the middle of The Hope and Anchor.

Elle sat beside her with a glass of red wine. It honestly felt weird going to the pub for drinks, considering the situation with Lily, but Connie and Charlie had told everyone to try and put her out of their heads. Everyone was worried and the fact that Lily was slowly becoming so dependent on alcohol was scary, but they had their jobs to focus on.

"I'm not sure, Alicia," Elle sighed. "She's been suspended for a period of fourteen working days, but whether she'll be fit to work after that, I don't know. If Lily has become addicted to alcohol, then that isn't an easy thing to overcome, especially on her own. She'll probably need to attend therapy and AA meetings and..."

"It was really scary the other day," Alicia interrupted. "I thought she was going to hurt me, or herself."

"She would never do that," Elle reassured her. "She's in a bad place right now, but she'd never become violent."

"Should we do something?" Alicia asked. "Like get her a card?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Elle shook her head and had a sip of her drink. "I'll mention it to Connie though, and we'll see what she says. Alcohol addiction is a difficult thing to deal with though, and we just need to tread carefully. We know Lily can't help it, it's just one of those things, but we need to make it clear to her that she won't be allowed back into work until she's sorted herself out."

"I just feel so guilty," Alicia said. "Lily never goes to the pub and she hardly ever drinks, so why didn't any of us notice it sooner?"

"We all feel like that, Alicia," Elle said. "Don't dwell on it, okay?"

Alicia faintly nodded her head, feeling sad to think that Lily was probably passed out on the sofa at home, wallowing in self pity and sadness. She wanted her mentor back.

She was about to say something else to Elle, but their conversation was cut short as Louise and Robyn came to join them.

 **A bit of a filler chapter there but I hope you enjoyed it. I felt that it was important to show how everyone else is kind of feeling as well x**


	16. Chapter 16

**Captain Nut Nut: Thank you.**

 **Guest: Thanks so much. That means a lot. I agree and felt that it was important to show what everyone else was thinking. I hadn't really written that into the story. Thanks again for a lovely review.**

 **casualtyfics111: Yeah, such a sad time for everyone in the ED.**

 **ReadingxTherapy: It's awful. Thank you and I'm glad I managed it.**

Chapter Sixteen

Lily's suspension soon finished, and she was due to pop in for a meeting with Connie, Charlie and Elle. She was nervous but she hadn't had a drink in three days, and with the hope that she'd be allowed to work again spurring her on, she prayed that things would be okay.

She arrived at the ED with plenty of time to spare and grabbed herself a quick coffee. Everyone was watching her, probably wondering whether she was drunk or not, but she said nothing to them and made her way to the office.

"Come in," Connie called, after she'd knocked a couple of times.

Lily took a deep breath and walked inside to see that Charlie and Elle were there as well. The three of them looked as if they'd been waiting for days to see her.

"Lily. It's good to see you," Connie said. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing very well, thank you," Lily said politely.

"Lily, it's great to see you in a more rational state," Charlie spoke up. "But please don't downplay what's been going on these past few weeks."

Lily looked to Connie, who just returned the look as if to say that it was Lily's turn to tell them what had really been going on. Lily didn't have to ask to know what she meant.

"I admit I've allowed myself to fall onto the wrong path," Lily said. "And I'm not proud of how I have acted recently, so I apologise."

"Lily, sweetheart," Elle piped up, using her regular gentle tone. "These sort of problems don't just disappear. Why don't you try and tell us how you feel about your relationship with alcohol and how it's changed recently? What makes you turn to drink?"

"You want me to say I'm an alcoholic?" Lily defended. "You want me to tell you that I can't get through a week without being drunk at least fifty per cent of the time?"

"No," Connie replied. "Of course that's not what we want to hear, but at the same time if it is then we need to know so that we can help. Is it true? Is that how you feel?"

Lily shook her head in silence, but then faintly shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know what to say.

"We'd like you to sign up for a meeting with a therapist," Connie sighed. "Your behaviour has been quite extreme lately, and I feel that you could benefit from one."

"I can easily arrange it for you," Charlie offered kindly.

"Fine," Lily agreed reluctantly. "Whatever it takes to get back to work, I'll do it."

"Alright. Well done," Connie praised proudly. "Now, I want you on admin duties today please, just until you're fully ready. No resus and no cubicles for the time being. Understand?"

Lily nodded, although unhappy with Connie's final decision. She forced a smile for them all and exited the office, dreading the stack of paperwork that was probably waiting for her.

* * *

It was a long shift and Lily guessed that it was because she was more of an admin assistant, instead of a doctor. She hated it. Every time Iain wheeled a patient through the doors, it took all of her energy to try and stop herself from helping out. She felt as if she'd just had a demotion.

"Excuse me?"

She turned around at the sound of a snappy voice and saw a woman storming up to her. She looked around for a doctor, well one that was working. It would have been pointless to tell the woman that she was actually a doctor herself, considering she wasn't allowed to be treating anyone that day. Everyone was tied up though.

"Can I help you?" She asked the woman, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

The woman didn't look seriously injured, but she did look angry.

"Yes! You bloody can help me!" She screamed. "My son has been waiting for almost two hours to see a doctor, and no one has even apologised to him!"

"Um...Sorry..." Lily whispered. "I'll make sure that someone sees to him right away. What's his name?"

"Are you a doctor?" She asked.

"No, I mean yes, but..." Lily had no idea how she was supposed to answer that question.

"Good!" She yelled. "Then perhaps you would like to think again! Surely, the health of a patient is more important than useless paperwork."

She gestured to the folders that Lily was holding and scoffed, shaking her head in slow-motion.

"I um...I can't," Lily said, her voice getting quieter and quieter. "Sorry. I will get someone for you though, I promise."

"What do you mean you can't?" This only made her angrier, and small tears began to sting Lily's eyes. "Did you not hear a word that I just said, or do you not understand English?"

"Excuse me?" An even louder voice bellowed, and Connie interrupted the scene.

Lily had to breathe a sigh of relief. Saved by the clinical lead.

"We do not tolerate abuse in this department," Connie scolded the woman. "Especially racism. Now, if you would like to take your seat and one of our doctors will be with you as soon as possible."

This scared the woman off and as soon as she'd sat down, Connie turned to check if Lily was okay.

"I'm fine," Lily answered coldly, before pushing past her and walking away.

* * *

"Rough day?" Elle asked, immediately noticing the glum look on Connie's face. "It has been the day from hell. Maybe we should have had Lily as a doctor after all. How'd she get on anyway? I haven't spoken to her much since our little meeting, but I can imagine her not being too pleased with admin work."

"She had a bit of a run in with a patient earlier," Connie sighed. "Well, a mother of a patient. I haven't seen her since then. I wanted to ask how she was."

Iain strolled over, mobile phone in hand, a concerned look spreading across his face when he heard that they didn't know where his girlfriend was.

"What do you mean you don't know where she is?" He asked.

"Iain's right," Charlie sighed. He couldn't help but overhear. "After everything that's been going on with her, maybe we need to be seriously worried."

"Hold on," Connie said, as she felt her mobile phone vibrate in her pocket. "This could be her." She sighed and pulled her mobile out, unlocking it so that she could read the latest message. "It's just Doctor Munroe."

"What's she want?" Iain asked, frowning to himself.

Connie shook her head as she read what Alicia had sent to her. She made eye contact with Iain and said, "She needs us to go to The Hope and Anchor. It's Lily."

 **So what's going on with Lily then? Why has Alicia text? What's happened? I hope you enjoyed the chapter. More to come x**


	17. Chapter 17

**milali: You could be right there, as it's quite easily done. I'm glad that was accurately portrayed. Aw, it's lovely to see the person who has been leaving such nice comments. Thank you so much. This chapter is quite dramatic and quite possibly, one of my favourites. Enjoy.**

 **Ben: You'll soon see. Other people have said that I write Connie really well, so maybe I should include more scenes with her lol. Thanks for that and I did change it as it does sound weird. Thank you.**

 **Giatrix: I know you didn't review the last chapter but I just wanted to say a huge thank you for your help and support. I absolutely love our chats!**

Chapter Seventeen

The Hope and Anchor had always been a lovely pub with a happy atmosphere.

However, today, things seemed to have changed. There was still the relaxed sound of people chatting away to each other, there was still a karaoke tune being belted out every now and then, and as usual the barmen were jolly and friendly.

The change was in the regular group of Holby ED staff. The barmen were always quick to recognise them and they looked forward to seeing them as soon as they'd finished their day of treating sick and injured people. They were a lovely bunch, always happy to chat, whilst not getting completely wasted like some of their customers did.

This time though, one of them, one that they realised hadn't been in as much as the others, was sat at a window table with her head down. She'd ordered bottle after bottle and although the colleagues that were with her tried to stop her before it went too far, she was quite clearly already drunk.

"What brought this on, Lily?" Louise asked gently.

She and Lily had never been friends, but even she hated to see her in such a vulnerable and terrifying position. It was clear to everyone that there was something seriously wrong. Drinking constantly, to the point of not knowing who anyone was, was completely out of character for Lily.

"Lily. That woman was bang out of order earlier," Robyn said. Apart from Connie, she was the only one who knew what had happened. "There's never any excuse for racism. You've been doing well, so please don't let her get to you."

"Racism?" Louise frowned.

Robyn just faintly nodded, so Louise decided to leave the conversation there. Lily groaned to herself, but she didn't once lift her head off of the table.

"Should we do something?" Robyn whispered.

"I've text Mrs Beauchamp," Alicia mentioned. "What more can we do?"

She sat with her arms folded across her chest, her eyes fixated on the intoxicated registrar in front of her. She looked awful. Her hair was a mass of tangles and knots, her eyes, once bright and engaging, now seemed hollow and empty, bloodshot and raw. Even her clothes looked bad. She was wearing one of her regular blouses, the white one with the birds, along with some black trousers, and yet despite that, she looked uncouth and dishevelled. She didn't even have her heels on, but instead a pair of scuffed and dirty, white trainers.

There was the familiar chime of bells as the door to The Hope and Anchor opened. Alicia turned around in her chair, a hopeful look on her face, and smiled when she saw Connie walk through the door. She had a crowd with her though. Charlie, Elle and Iain all followed suit, as if they were Connie's acolytes. Alicia wasn't sure whether a crowd of people made things better or worse for Lily.

"We tried to stop her," Louise spoke up. "But by the time we actually arrived, it was too late anyway."

"Okay," Connie sighed, taking the empty seat beside Alicia. "Lily. Look at me, please, come on."

Lily slowly lifted her head, her hair covering her bloodshot eyes. She eyed Connie up and down and shakily reached for the half full bottle of red wine that stood on the table in front of her. Taking a huge swig of it, she slammed it down and allowed the liquid to splash over the side and onto the sleeve of Connie's blue coat.

"We need to get you home and sobered up," Connie sighed, trying her best to ignore what had just happened. "Alright? Go with Iain and he'll drive you."

"No," Lily snapped. "I'm not going anywhere with any of you!"

Connie was fully aware that people were staring at them. One of the barmen even raged over, preparing himself to kick Lily out, but Connie just held a hand up to him. Ideally, she wanted to deal with Lily herself.

"You can't stay here," Connie whispered. "You know you can't, not when you're like this."

"I'm in a pub," Lily mumbled, running her hands down her face. "Surely that's the best place for me."

"Not in this state," Connie said, trying her best to keep her voice gentle and soft for Lily's sake. "Listen. What happened today was not your fault. That woman said some cruel and horrible things and there was no excuse for it. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, that's all, but that doesn't mean that you should blame yourself. You did well today, and for a second I thought we'd seen the last of this side of you."

Lily scoffed and slurred, "This is the best side of me. Didn't you all want a more fun and happy side of Doctor Chao?"

"But you can be that kind of person without the drink," Connie said. "We've talked about this before Lily, and right now we're just going round and round in circles."

Honestly, Connie wasn't at all surprised. She exchanged a look with Charlie, and saw that he was thinking the same thing. The two of them knew about alcohol addiction well enough to know that it didn't just go away.

"None of us want to see you get hurt," Connie added, in a choked up whisper, as tears slowly filled her brown eyes. "Maybe bringing you back to work so soon wasn't the best of ideas."

Lily blinked to hold back her own tears and a small hiccup escaped from somewhere inside of her. She scanned the room, at the barmen and other customers that were pretending not to listen, at her colleagues that surrounded the table, and then lastly at her boyfriend. He wasn't crying and he didn't look angry, but he did look hurt. For some reason though, Lily didn't feel anything. It was as if she didn't care. Why should she? They were all judging her, mocking her. Lily knew that their niceness was just an act.

"Look at you all, how is the view from up there, on the moral high ground? Aren't you all just angelic?" Lily spat, sitting back and folding her arms across her chest.

"Lily," Alicia spoke gently. "Don't say that. We all love you, nobody is judging you."

"Oooo, we all love you pet! Nobody is judging you, pet!" Lily spat, using a mock geordie accent.

Alicia's eyes widened and her mouth hung open. However, she didn't say anything.

Connie and Charlie exchanged glances, their concerns over Lily getting bigger by the second.

"Lily, calm down. Alicia is right, nobody is judging you," Iain tried to calm his girlfriend.

"Oh really, well you could have fooled me!" Lily screamed at him. "In fact let's get judgmental shall we? Let's have some plain speaking for once! I mean Louise might actually do some work if the gossip dries up for a while. Where shall we begin?"

"Excuse me?" Louise shouted.

"Lily, stop it," Connie hissed, turning round in her chair to acknowledge the one barman who was watching them cautiously.

"Let's start with Charlie," Lily said, blanking her completely. "Good old Charlie Fairhead who doesn't actually do any nursing around here but instead follows people around and pokes his nose into other peoples business because he has no life of his own! Then we have Alicia, someone who is actually a mediocre at best, but thinks she's amazing and can be such a stuck up cow sometimes!"

"Hey!" Alicia yelled, sounding close to tears.

"Lily, stop it!" Robyn shouted, stepping in to defend her friend.

"Onto you next," Lily said, gesturing to the red-head dramatically. "Throwing your life down the drain as a single mother. Let's not forget the fact that you're not professional; always trying to make friends with the patients instead. Talking of professionalism, we have Jacob, who takes work hard play hard to a whole new level by jumping into bed with the clinical lead!"

"Enough!" Connie shouted and slammed her hand down onto the table, causing everyone to jump a mile in the air.

A dead silence filled the air and hovered over them, like some sort of miserable, black cloud. Just that one group of people had drastically changed the atmosphere in the pub. The drinks that everyone had been enjoying suddenly turned bitter and sour, and soon people began to leave the pub slowly, two by two, just like in Noah and the Ark. No one wanted to be in the centre of tension.

Connie turned once more, realising that she'd made an even bigger scene than Lily had done. She noticed the barman do a subtle gesture, meaning that he wanted Lily out and fast. She didn't blame him. In all his years of running The Hope and Anchor, no one had ever been drunk enough to shout and argue with people.

"Iain, get Lily out of here now, before she does any more damage!" Connie said coldly, keeping her eyes away from Lily.

She couldn't look at her. Not now.

Lily stayed in her seat, clearly refusing to go anywhere.

Connie stared at Iain over her shoulder and just said, "Drag her if you have to."

"I knew you couldn't wait to get me home, baby," Lily slurred.

Iain sighed and grabbed hold of Lily by the arm, gently flinging her over his shoulder. Lily let out one more scream of protest, hating the feeling of being carried, and punched his back with her fists, begging him to put her down. Everybody just stared after them, as they exited the pub, just like a dramatic ending of Eastenders.

"I tell you what, Iain is either a saint or a madman for putting up with her," Louise spat.

"Louise. Don't." Connie shook her head at her.

Just from hearing those two little words, everyone knew to stay as quiet as mice. People came over and collected up the empty bottles that Lily had left, shooting them comfortable smiles to let them know that it was okay. Even though Connie had been one to shout, they weren't blaming them. It was Lily who was at fault.

Louise said nothing else about Lily and her drunken state, but instead looked across at Alicia and Robyn and asked if they were okay. Robyn just nodded in silence, too upset by Lily's words to even say anything.

"Fine," Alicia answered, and a single tear rolled down one side of her face. "I just don't even recognise her anymore."

 **So Lily is on a complete downward spiral now. I'm sure everyone knew that her turning up for work, sober, was just too good to be true. It seems as if she does have a complete addiction to alcohol. Also, this story has taken quite a dark turn now, lol. I seem to write dark plotlines better than happy though.**

 **I'm actually quite proud of this chapter, so I hope you enjoyed it. I tried to go for a different angle and add a bit more description, instead of just having blocks and blocks of dialogue. I hope it was okay. Thanks for your support and let me know what you think of the chapter x**


	18. Chapter 18

**Giatrix: Nope, not at all. I love drunk Lily, lol. He will take a bit of a different path luckily. I hate how the writers have made him recently.**

 **LillyMayFlower: Thank you so much. It was a cringing moment, but also a moment that I enjoyed writing. More to come.**

 **casualtyfics111: Indeed. I feel sorry for Lily but also everyone else as well, especially Iain bless him. How will he cope with her?**

Chapter Eighteen

Iain could have sat and watched Lily sleep for hours.

Things were a lot easier when she was asleep. She looked so peaceful, even if she had vomited twice before falling asleep, and even if she was bound to wake up with a raging hangover. He knew, from experience, that alcohol addiction was not easy to overcome. However, he'd secretly hoped that Lily was over it and that there would be no more episodes from her.

He was wrong though.

Lily coughed and her eyes slowly began to open. She rolled onto her back, squinting at the sunlight that poured through the window.

"How are you feeling?" Iain sighed.

"Hmmm," Lily mumbled and saw that Iain had his shoes on. In his hand, he held his car keys. "Where are you going?" She groaned.

"I have work," Iain said. "Do you remember any of what happened yesterday?" Lily shook her head. "I didn't think so," he sighed. "I have to go, but try not to break anything for crying out loud."

Lily winced and held a hand to her head, as the loud slam of the door echoed throughout the flat. She didn't know what to do. Iain hated her, and it was her fault. If only she could remember what had happened, but she was so tired and she felt so sick.

She just wanted to go back to sleep.

* * *

Lily woke up later on that afternoon, to the annoying sound of dogs barking. She yawned and tried to find her mobile phone under all the pillows and blankets, and when she eventually found it she saw that it was half past one in the afternoon. How had she slept for so long?

"Iain!" She called.

There was no answer.

"Iain!" She shouted even louder, throwing her duvet away from her.

She practically fell out of bed, as she left to go and find out where Iain was. His bag was gone, and so were his car keys. Of course. How could she have been so stupid? He was at work, wasn't he?

"Iain," she whimpered, pulling an old pair of trainers on.

She didn't even care if she was in her pyjamas still. She just wanted to see Iain. She grabbed her jacket, her handbag and a few bottles of drink, before leaving the house. She ran as fast as she possibly could, ignoring the stares that she received from strangers. She just needed to find Iain.

She reached the ED, out of breath and thirsty, and unable to find Iain. She gasped for air and had a sip of a vodka bottle that she'd slid into her bag. Staggering forwards, she sat herself down on the dirty floor down the side of the building so that she could wait for Iain.

She saw Alicia walking past, but she said nothing to her. She just clutched the alcohol bottle to her chest and waited.

* * *

"Mrs Beauchamp! Did you know that Lily is sitting outside?" Alicia asked casually, as she strolled back into reception. "She's just sitting next to the building, where all the bins are."

"No, I did not. Did she say anything to you?" She sighed, but Alicia shook her head. "Okay. I'll go and talk to her. Thank you, Doctor Munroe." She shook her head and passed Elle a stack of notes that she'd been dealing with. "I am going to have to deal with this, again, so please finish this for me."

"Do you need any help?" Elle offered.

"No, I'll be fine," Connie said.

"Someone should come with you," Charlie piped up. "Lily isn't the calmest when she's been drinking, and she almost hit you last time."

"Fine. Come with me then," Connie said. "Doctor Gardner, you're in charge."

"Are you sure that you don't want me to help with Lily?" Elle asked.

"Take your pick," Connie spat. "Running the ED for an hour or two, or dealing with a drunk, stubborn, and violent woman?"

Elle hesitated before replying with, "Have fun."

"I thought as much," Connie said. "Charlie, with me."

Connie wasn't sure how they were going to approach Lily, especially after the events that had occured yesterday. She was nervous about it to be honest, and that was saying something. Charlie obviously sensed that as he placed a hand on her shoulder in a hope to try and comfort her.

Lily was exactly where Alicia said she was, curled up against the wall with a bottle in hand.

"What are you doing here?" Connie asked, crouching down beside Lily.

"Waiting for Iain," Lily slurred.

Connie glanced up at Charlie and gestured subtly to the bottle in her hand. She was drunk again. That much was obvious.

"Well, Iain is working, isn't he?" Connie sighed, as Lily downed some ore of the drink. "Can I have that, please?" Connie asked, holding out her hand. "Come on. Hand it over, alright? You're on hospital property."

"It's mine," she whined, pulling her arm away from Connie. "Leave me alone!"

"Don't lash out," Connie snapped. "You need to give me the alcohol, and then I want you inside. You'll freeze to death out here."

"Come on, Lily," Charlie sighed, leaning down to take hold of her arm. "Just do as you're told. Iain has to work, but you can see him later."

Lily just allowed the bottle to drop to the ground and held both hands up to her face. She began sobbing and Connie felt close to tears herself. It was horrible, seeing Lily looking so vulnerable and low in herself.

"We need to get you some therapy," Connie whispered, reaching across to give her knee a comforting rub. "Get you attending some AA meetings or something?"

Lily just shook her head, keeping her eyes on the floor in front of her. She didn't want to attend any meetings. She just wanted to see Iain. Besides, she knew that therapy wouldn't help. There was no helping her now. She was a mess.

"Do you remember what happened yesterday?" Connie asked, her hand moving to her shoulder.

Lily shook her head. She couldn't. She wished she could but she really couldn't.

"You basically insulted all of your colleagues," Connie said. "You upset them, but that wasn't you talking. It was the drink. I know it's hard to stop drinking Lily, I mean, I haven't been through it but I know that it's hard. Therapy is the only option."

"I'm not having therapy," Lily cried, burying her face in her knees. "I want to talk to Iain."

"Why don't you come inside with us?" Connie asked. "It's cold, so we can talk inside. Come on, hmm?"

Charlie watched as Lily staggered to her feet, holding onto Connie's hand. He picked up the empty bottle, surprised that Lily had downed the whole thing, and chucked it into the nearby bin, much to Lily's destress.

Everyone was shooting judging looks, as Connie dragged a limp Lily into the office. The smell of alcohol poured off of her Lily, and Connie had to try and hold her breath. When she was certain that Lily had calmed down, she made Charlie stay with her so that she could talk to Iain outside the office.

"I told her that I was going to work," Iain snapped, when Connie told him what had happened. "It wasn't as if I was abadoning her, was it? She just couldn't remember because she was completely wasted!"

"Iain, calm down," Connie whispered. "I believe you, okay? I know that you wouldn't leave Lily alone without telling her first, not when she's like this."

"I just want to focus on my job, Mrs Beauchamp," Iain whispered back to her. "Without the thought of having to look after Lily. I'll see her when I get home."

"We'll get her help," Connie said. "And we can get help for you as well."

"I'm not the one who needs help!" Iain practically shouted, causing Connie to jump. "She's throwing her life away, Mrs Beauchamp! I've been through it before with my mum, she knows that, and if this carries on then I don't know if I can pursue a relationship with her."

Connie shook her head and said, "You don't mean that, Iain."

"I do," Iain sighed.

He knew that he was just scared and that he probably didn't mean half of the things that he was saying.

What he didn't know, was that from inside the office, Lily had heard every single word.


	19. Chapter 19

**ReadingxTherapy: It is and you'll see more of Iain's feelings in this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **Giatrix: Hopefully Connie and Iain can convince her to get some help. Thanks for reviewing, and enjoy the update. Also, I hope that studying is going okay for you.**

Chapter Nineteen

Iain's words rang in her ears.

 _"She's throwing her life away."_

 _"I don't know if I can pursue a relationship with her."_

Lily felt sick, and it certainly was not from the amount of alcohol that she'd downed. She glanced at her watch and realised that she'd been sat in the pub for about an hour now. It wasn't The Hope and Anchor, just some poor, run-down place around the corner, but Lily still hoped that someone would find her.

She downed the rest of the glass, asked for another, and rested her head on the bar. Everyone hated her, including her own boyfriend. Croaking out a small thanks to the barman, she sniffed and began to drink again. It was the only way that she could make herself feel better. Honestly, she didn't even care anymore.

She sighed heavily and looked across the room to see that she was being watched. There was this sleazy man with scruffy hair and a bear, staring at her, a pint of beer sat in front of him. It made her feel a little uncomfortable, but in a way she enjoyed the attention, so she smiled at him.

He was out of his chair in seconds.

"Hey babe," he whispered in her ear, and removed some strands of hair from her face. "You're even more beautiful up close."

Lily forced another smile, and looked at the barmen out of the corner of her eye. None of them had even noticed. She half wished that she had made the decision to go to The Hope and Anchor.

"Are you having a nice night?" He asked her, and she nodded whilst taking a small sip of her drink. "I know what would make it even nicer. Why don't you come back to my place?"

Lily didn't know what to say. She had no idea who this guy was, but the human contact felt nice and she liked the idea of being around someone who wasn't so judgemental. She didn't even know his name, but did that even matter? She was torn.

She gave a small shrug of the shoulders, but he obviously took that as a yes as he put an arm around her waist and dragged her out of her seat. As he lead her out of the pub, Lily noticed Iain walking towards them.

"What the hell are you doing with my girlfriend?" He shouted, completely losing it and storming over to the two of them. "Get off of her!"

"She's fine! She wants to stay with me, don't you darlin'?" He asked, placing a hand against Lily's face and gently caressing her cheek.

"Can't you see she's drunk?" Iain snapped. "And you're completely taking advantage of her! Leave her alone before I do something that I'll regret!"

He moved to take Lily away, but the guy kept tight hold of her. Iain pursed his lips and his face turned as red as a tomato. The anger built up, he raised a hand, and made contact with the guy's face. Lily could almost hear the punch echo through the air, and she suddenly became more alert when she noticed the guy on the floor.

"What are you doing?" She shouted.

"Protecting you!" Iain shouted back.

The guy remained on the floor on pain, his hands over his face.

"Why?" Lily screamed. "You don't even want me - you told Mrs Beauchamp that you don't know if you can even pursue a relationship with me!"

All anger faded from Iain's face. He stumbled backwards and gulped, his arms hanging loosely at his side.

"You...You heard that?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah, I did," Lily sighed. "And it hurt."

"Lily, I..." Iain glanced down at the man that he'd just punched and went to wrap an arm around Lily's waist. "Just come with me."

"I want to stay here!" Lily refused and struggled out of his arms.

She stumbled back against the wall and looked towards the man, who'd now very slowly got to his feet. She wasn't sure who to trust. She loved Iain, but his words had hurt her.

"Please, Lily," he begged, hands in his pockets. "You're not thinking straight here, are you? Come with me, and we'll talk."

"I'm tired," Lily slurred.

"Then you can sleep, and we'll talk in the morning." Iain managed a small smile then. "Please, Lily. I'm sorry, okay? That may not mean anything to you at the moment and you probably won't even remember it in the morning, but I am sorry."

There was a pause.

"Come on," he whispered, walking over and taking her hand in his.

Their fingers entwined and Lily found herself allowing him to lead her away from the pub. She didn't even look back at the guy who she'd almost spent the night with.

* * *

"I didn't mean what I said," Iain whispered, as he sat on the sofa with Lily.

It was later that day and Iain had just about managed to convince Lily to shower and change into some clean pyjamas. The TV was on in the background, showing an old episode of The Royal Family, but neither of them were really watching it.

"You said that you did," Lily whispered back.

She hadn't even been drinking that much. Her speech sounded fine, and she seemed to remember what he'd said to Connie. However, the stench of alcohol remained on her person and Iain had to try and hold his breath.

"I was just angry, Lily," Iain said. "We all say things when we're angry. Like um...Like you in the pub, eh? Now, I know that you didn't mean to say all of that stuff, and I didn't mean to say what I said either."

Lily said nothing. There wasn't anything that she could say.

"Get some sleep, gorgeous," Iain said, rubbing at her shoulder. "I'm glad you're okay, eh? You really scared me tonight. I um...I do have one question though. Would you have actually gone with him, if I hadn't found you?"

Lily took some time to answer. When she eventually did, she nodded.

Iain leaned down and kissed her forehead, trying his best to ignore the smell that was pouring off of her.

"Get some sleep," he said again. "I have work again tomorrow, but I'll wake you up before I go. I promise."

 **Just a bit of a filler chapter but I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry for the delay in updating. Things will be moving along and progressing a bit more in the next chapter x**


	20. Chapter 20

**LillyMayFlower: Exactly, I think it was kind of a good thing as well. Thank you. It's hard to write about Lily smelling of alcohol because even if she hasn't had a drink, the smell would still be there, and I always find it's hard to write about smells and stuff. I'm glad it was okay.**

 **milali: That's alright. I hope it's been okay for you and that you're all okay. I'm glad you like it. It's a really interesting idea to write and I'm really enjoying it.**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you so much.**

Chapter Twenty

Lily woke up to the sound of someone knocking loudly on the front door of her flat.

She sat bolt upright and rubbed at her eyes, rummaging round in the bed for her mobile phone. She eventually found it, tucked under her pillow, and saw that it was half past one in the afternoon. Had she really slept for that long?

The knocking continued. Who on earth was it?

Lily yawned and dragged herself out of bed, before making her way to the front door. After struggling to open it, she finally managed to yank it open, and saw Connie standing there. Instead of staying to talk to her, she dragged herself straight back to bed.

"Lily," Connie sighed, shutting the door so that she could follow her. "I think you need to have a shower and get dressed, don't you?"

"Why would I need to get up and get ready?" Lily asked, burying herself in the duvet. "Seems like I no longer have a boyfriend to impress. No job to go to. Give me a reason, because I can't think of one."

"For crying out loud, Lily." Connie rolled her eyes. "Stop wallowing in self pity, please!"

"Don't shout at me!" Lily screamed.

"I'm just frustrated!" Connie screamed back. "Iain finds it difficult to cope with you when you're like this because of his childhood, and you know yourself that you can't work under the influence of alcohol! You've brought it all on yourself, okay? And if you help yourself, then you'll get all of that back. Get up, get in that shower, and get dressed!"

"I don't want to!" Lily sobbed.

"Are you telling me that you don't love Iain and you don't care about your career?" Connie questioned. "Wow, in that case you've been a good little actress all this time."

Lily threw the duvet away from her and yelled, "Don't you dare question me or my priorities! I won't have you talk about Iain like that. Not ever!" Lily raised a hand, as if to slap Connie, but stopped when she saw the expression on her face.

She was smiling.

"Finally!" She said. "There it is. A little bit of passion and determination directed at something other than drinking. Cling onto that Lily because that's what will pull you through this, so long as you push yourself at the same time that is."

"And what if I can't?" Lily mumbled.

"You can't do it alone, that's obvious," Connie said. "But with a few AA meetings and some therapy, then you'll eventually get there."

A small tear rolled off of Lily's nose and landed onto the duvet.

"I don't want to have therapy," she whispered.

"You may not want it, but you do need it," Connie said. "And I've booked you a session for this Saturday at 12:00pm. It's at the local community centre and you are going whether you like it or not."

"That's not fair," Lily whined, throwing her head back in disbelief.

Connie was surprised at how childish and argumentitive she was being, but she put it all down to the alcohol. She sighed and placed a hand on Lily's shoulder, before giving her a small but comforting smile.

"It's in a group," she said. "Of people who are going through the exact same thing. I guarantee you that it will help."

Lily didn't say anything, but she still didn't look happy.

"Why don't you come into the living room with me?" Connie suggested. "I have a few books that we could look at, and it might cheer you up."

Lily eyed her cautiously. She took in the gentle smile that Connie was giving her, and the trusting eyes. She'd always had quite a close bond with Connie, ever since she could remember. She almost felt guilty for treating her so badly. Connie was like a second mum to her.

"What kind of books?" Lily mumbled, and she looked as if she was about to cry.

"Medical books," Connie said. "You might not be allowed in work at the moment, but we need something to keep that mind of yours focused, because lying in bed all day is not going to help you. Come on."

Lily reluctantly followed Connie into the kitchen. She watched as Connie removed some books from her bag and she watched as she set a glass of water down onto the table for her. She knew that Connie was trying to help. She wanted to work again and she wanted Iain to love her again, but the urge to drink was still there, especially now that Connie had mentioned therapy. She didn't want to talk to a bunch of strangers about her life.

"Can I use the bathroom first?" Lily whispered, her hands shaking behind her back.

"Fine," Connie allowed. She couldn't keep an eye on Lily 24/7. "Come straight back to me though."

Lily made her way along to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She opened up the small cabinet above the sink and frantically looked around for a mini bottle of vodka that she'd hidden in there for emergencies. Leaning back against the door, she began to drink it.

It felt so good, as if she hadn't had a single drink in years. She couldn't remember when her last one had been or how long she'd even been asleep for, but she was glad to finally get her hands on some again. The taste swam down her mouth and landed in the pit of her stomach, settling there happily.

Once she was finished, she shoved the empty bottle back into its place and gave her teeth a brush to try and get rid of the smell. She couldn't stand another lecture from Connie. As soon as she headed back to Connie, she sat down and was faced with a medical procedure that she was all too familiar with. However, she hesitated with her answer, unable to think.

"Lily, you know this," Connie said sternly. "Come on."

Lily couldn't answer though. Instead, a laugh came out. Connie sighed heavilly and pursed her lips together in anger. She slammed the textbook shut and stormed off to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Lily cried out, staggering to her feet and following her to the bathroom. "Mrs Beauchamp, no!"

"Where have you hidden it then?" Connie asked, as she stood in the middle of the bathroom with her arms crossed. "Come on, Lily."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lily cried shakily. "I want to study. Please!"

"You couldn't even tell me the answer, Lily," Connie said, as she began to search the bathroom.

Her eyes then noticed the cabinet and she opened it up and began to rummage around inside. Noticing the variety of small, alcohol bottles that Lily had hidden in there, she poured each one in turn down the sink. Lily just hovered in the doorway, crying.

"Now you hate me, you're angry and you're going to walk out on me like Iain did!" She accused.

"No, Lily," Connie sighed. "I understand that you'll have lapses but I'm just disappointed because I thought we had made some progress."

"Oh god!" Lily held her hands to her face and choked back another sob. "Disappointment is even worse than anger!"

Connie shook her head in disbelief and turned to look at her. She wished that alcohol addiction was that simple, that Lily could just agree to the therapy and that was the end of everything. Unfortunately, from years of working as a doctor though, she knew that it wasn't.

"Why don't we leave the studying for now?" Connie asked gently. "You look exhausted. Go and get some sleep, and I'll clean up around here for you."

Lily removed her shaking hands from her face and just nodded, feeling way too tired to even say anything. Connie walked over and wrapped an arm around her, leading her back to her bedroom.

* * *

After waiting until Lily had fallen asleep, Connie decided to give Iain a ring.

She wasn't sure if he'd be on his lunch, or whether he'd be out on a call but he wanted to try and talk to him if possible. It took a while for him to answer, but eventually Connie heard his voice.

"Iain. Are you busy?" She asked, making her way into the kitchen and grimacing at the amount of dirty dishes that lay in the sink.

"I'm just about to head back to work," he said. "What's going on?"

"I think I could have made a small breakthrough with Lily," she said. "I mean, there was a tiny setback this morning but I think she might have agreed to attend a couple of AA meetings."

"How?" He asked in disbelief.

"It was simple really," Connie sighed, and began to run some hot water in the sink. "I knew I had to make her realise what mattered most to her and what would motivate her to fight against the addiction."

"Really?" Iain asked. "What did that turn out to be?"

"Well, at first I went with her career," Connie said. "But that proved to be secondary to something else."

"Go on?" He pressed her to reveal more.

"You, Iain," Connie said. "She came out swinging for you - quite literally. She nearly hit me. I'll keep you updated, alright? Have a good day."

She hung up the phone and smirked proudly to herself. She wasn't sure how long it would be until Lily eventually got better, but she knew she would get there with the help and support that she needed.

Eventually.

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter x**


	21. Chapter 21

**Captain Nut Nut: Definitely! Lots more drama to come. It's quite enjoyable writing a much different and darker side to Lily.**

 **milali: Thank you so much and I'm glad that you find that realistic. Enjoy the update.**

Chapter Twenty-One

Saturday came round fast, and Iain kindly offered to drive Lily to her session.

She was dreading it to be honest so she wasn't in the best of moods. She slept through her alarm so Iain had to wake her, in order to make sure that they left on time, and that resulted in him being hit in the face with a cushion.

"Lily. Come on," Iain pleaded with her. "I know you don't want to go, but you have to. Go and get yourself in the shower, yeah? I'll make breakfast."

"I don't need a shower," Lily whispered, swinging her legs round so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'll just throw some clothes on."

"At least try and make yourself look presentable, Lils," Iain sighed sadly. "You didn't shower yesterday either. I just care, okay? You want to make a good impression though, don't you?"

Lily just shrugged her shoulders and began to struggle with her pyjama top. She didn't make any eye contact with Iain whatsoever. He decided to leave her and make a start on breakfast, so he gave her shoulder a rub and left the bedroom.

Reluctantly, Lily began to change out of her pyjamas. She chose a pair of tracksuit bottoms that she'd found herself living in recently, and an old red jumper that hung off of the shoulder.

She then grabbed her handbag and a few mini bottles of alcohol to shove inside, before heading towards the kitchen.

"Right. I'm ready," she sighed.

"Eat first," Iain said, placing a bacon sandwich down onto the table for her.

"I'm not even hungry," she whined, but took a seat anyway.

"You need something," Iain said.

He left Lily to eat so that he could go in search of his car keys and his phone. He was due to work that day, so as soon as he'd dropped Lily off and settled her in, he was going to drive straight to the ED. He wished that he could stay and wait for Lily though. He grabbed a hairbrush from Lily's room whilst he was getting his things together and took it back into the kitchen for her.

"Hair," he said, placing it in front of her.

"It looks fine," Lily groaned.

She started to break the bacon sandwich apart with her fingers, but she didn't seem to be eating any of it.

"You haven't brushed it, Lily," he told her, but she made no movement to pick up the hairbrush. "Give it here," he sighed.

He snatched the brush from the table and began to run it through her tangled knots. He could feel the grease and he wasn't actually sure when Lily had last washed it. She'd had no motivation to do anything recently, and it scared him.

"Do I disgust you now?" Lily muttered under her breath.

"Nope," Iain sighed. "I still love you and you know that. You're just feeling sorry for yourself. I'm worried though, Lily. You're still drinking and it's making you forget important stuff, including personal hygiene. That's why you're attending these sessions."

Lily shrugged her shoulders and pushed her plate away.

"I'm finished," she whispered.

"Alright." Iain rolled his eyes at the fact that she hadn't actually eaten a single thing. "Let's go then."

* * *

Lily leaned against the brick wall of the community centre, her arms folded across her chest. The session had finished just over fifteen minutes ago and the majority of people had gone home. Lily just felt numb though, like worse than she'd felt before.

She hadn't said a lot in the session, apart from giving her name and the reason that she was there. The woman in charge, Bethany her name was, had said that she didn't need to share anything if she didn't want to, so she didn't.

She hated it, every last minute of it. If it hadn't been for the fact that Iain had stayed until the session started, she would have been out of there in seconds.

"Lily. Are you still here?" Bethany strolled out at that moment, her bag and coat in hand. "Are you getting picked up, or do you want me to give you a lift?"

"I'm walking," Lily said.

"Alright." She nodded. "Well, thank you very much for coming along today. Do you feel any better at all?"

Lily wasn't afraid to shake her head in response.

"Well, um..." Bethany was clearly stuck for words. "It does take a few sessions. I guess I'll see you next week. Take care of yourself."

Lily sighed deeply to herself and watched as Bethany headed down the steps towards her car. As soon as she was out of sight, she pulled a bottle of vodka from her handbag, sat down on the very top step, and began to drink heavily. She didn't even care. She felt horrible and she needed something to take that feeling away. Didn't Connie and Iain tell her that she'd feel better afterwards? They'd both lied to her.

Starting on her third bottle of alcohol, she chucked the empty ones in the nearby bin and headed in the direction of the ED. She wasn't sure of the reason that she was going there, or what she was going to do when she did arrive, but she didn't like the idea of going home alone.

Outside of the ED was completely deserted, like something out of a horror film. She downed the rest of the bottle and chucked it into the bin, before sitting herself down on the bench with a heavy sigh.

Cal's memorial sat to one side of her. Teddy bears and flowers surrounded one of the most recent photos of him. The eyes of the photo stared at her, as if she was the one to blame for his passing. A small tear trickled down one side of her face and she slowly lay down on the bench, placing her handbag under her head. It was cold out, but that didn't bother her in the slightest.

She might have fallen asleep. She wasn't sure. When she opened her eyes though, she noticed that Connie was crouched in front of her. Charlie and Elle stood nearby, but Lily struggled to read their facial expressions.

"Shall we go inside?" Connie asked gently and took her hand in hers, but Lily just pulled away from her and shook her head.

She didn't want to be comforted. She didn't like it. She didn't need anyones pity of tears.

"You can sit in my office," Connie allowed, placing a finger under her chin.

Still, Lily refused and covered her face with her hands. The sun was so bright.

"Right," Connie sighed. "How did your appointment go?"

"Appointment?" Charlie asked, narrowing his eyebrows at the clearly drunk registrar.

"She um...Had an appointment at the community centre today," Connie informed him. "To try and talk through this...Problem I should say." She turned her attention back to Lily and repeated her earlier question. "How did it go?"

Lily buried her face in her bag and waved a hand at Connie, silently telling her to go away.

"Can we stop the childish act?" Connie asked, grabbing hold of Lily's hand. "You've been drinking, again, after a session that was supposed to help you as well."

"It didn't help!" Lily grumbled. "It just made me feel worse."

"Well, it'll probably take a few sessions to get used to it," Connie said, and shrugged her shoulders. "But you need to at least try, Lily."

Lily sat upright and her head fell weakly to one side. All of the colour suddenly drained from Lily's face and she lurched forwards and threw up straight over Connie. Connie turned her head and let go of Lily's hand, before standing up and looking down at her vomit ridden blouse.

"You would have thought that you'd learnt by now," Charlie sighed, knowing that Lily had thrown up over the clinical lead before.

"Right. Come on, Lily," Elle put in, deciding to step up to the plate. "I have three boys so I have dealt with this before. Let's get you cleaned up and then I think you ought to head home and get some rest. I'll get someone to give you a lift."

"I need you to go home and take a shower!" Connie practically lost her calm. "Now!"

Lily coughed and just wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand.

"For goodness sake," Connie whispered. "Just take her home, Elle. Make sure she showers. And make sure that Iain doesn't see her like this," Lily then heard Connie say in a small whisper. "It'll only upset him."

It wasn't fair. She wanted Iain.

* * *

Lily stumbled into her kitchen and dropped the pile of letters onto the table.

She hated everyone, especially Elle who'd practically forced her into the car and and refused to go anywhere until Lily had reached her flat. Everyone treated her like such a child; making her attend sessions that she didn't want to attend and talking to her as if they cared when they really didn't.

She grabbed a bottle of alcohol from the cupboard and threw herself down onto one of the chairs. She slammed the bottle down beside her and began to tear open one of the letters. She wasn't expecting it to be bad news though.

Her rent hadn't been paid for that month.

Honestly, she hadn't even thought about it. Usually, she'd log onto her online banking at least once a day to check if all her bills had been paid, but she couldn't even remember the last time that she'd done that.

She allowed the letter to float to the floor like a feather, and opened up the bottle. Tears stung her eyes and she tried to remember how on earth she'd let herself sink so low. She didn't want to become an alcoholic, but drinking was the only thing that took away the pain and the heartbreaking memories of Cal's death, and she found it too difficult to accept the help that she was being given.

She scoffed and pursed her lips angrily, pushing the chair back and standing up from the table. Fine. Connie wanted her to take a shower, didn't she? That was what she was going to do.

She slammed the bottle back down onto the table and stormed into the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower fully clothed. She allowed the water to run down her jumper and jeans, completely soaking every bit of her skin and clothing.

Without even bothering to shampoo, she went to leave the shower.

However, she suddenly felt quite dizzy and as if she was about to throw up again. The bathroom was spinning. Her red jumper had practically been ruined from the water, but that was the least of her worries.

She tried to remember the thing that had made her so angry and upset in the first place.

Cal?

Therapy?

She'd received a letter. What had the letter said though? Why couldn't she remember?

She felt so sick.

She took a wobbly step forwards.

She slipped.

And she fell straight through the glass of the shower door.

 **This chapter got dark really quick, lol. So it was a bit long and fast-paced but just a few of Lily's inner thoughts which I felt were important to add. I've got the next couple of chapters all planned out. Let's just say things slowly get worse for Lily x**


	22. Chapter 22

**CasualtyFanForever81: Sorry for the long wait, but I hope it was worth it.**

Chapter Twenty-Two

"Lily!"

Iain quietly shut the door behind him, as he entered Lily's flat. Complete silence. He frowned in confusion and took a couple of steps forwards. The silence made him nervous, as if he could sense that something terrible had happened.

"Lily?" He called again, gulping anxiously. "Are you home?"

He checked her bedroom first, before going into the kitchen, but she was nowhere to be seen. He scratched at his head and bent down to pick up a piece of paper that had fallen onto the floor. He opened it up and sighed sadly when he saw that Lily had missed a payment on her rent. How could he have let things get this bad?

"Lily!" He shouted and stuffed the letter into his pocket.

He left the kitchen and noticed that the door to the bathroom was slightly ajar. His panic grew bigger, as he slowly made his way towards the bathroom. He took a deep breath and gently pushed it open with only one finger.

He couldn't believe his eyes.

His girlfriend was lying unconscious in a pool of blood, shards of glass surrounding her.

"Lily!" He screamed, falling to his knees. "Lily! Lily, wake up! Come on Chuckles, please open your eyes!"

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he frantically rummaged in his pocket for his mobile. He gently stroked Lily's hair and and dialled the number for an ambulance. He prayed that she would be okay. He needed her to be okay.

"It'll be okay, Lils," he soothed and pressed the phone to his ear. "You're going to be okay."

* * *

Iain honestly could not believe his eyes. He felt so scared when he saw Lily lying there, fully clothed and bleeding, in a pile of glass. What on earth had she been thinking? That was the thing though, wasn't it? She hadn't been thinking, she'd been drunk. Iain wished that he'd been there, because maybe he could have done something to stop her from injuring herself.

"Get her straight in for me, please," Dylan ordered.

He and Lily had never exactly been close friends, but seeing her injured and vulnerable was hard on him. By now, Lily was awake and screaming at everybody who approached her.

"Lily! Let him treat you," Iain said.

"Do you know what happened, Iain?" Dylan asked, as he gently began to examine Lily.

"I...I don't know, I'm sorry," Iain stuttered. "I came home and she was just lying on the bathroom floor. I think she fell through the shower door, so maybe she was taking a shower? I don't know."

"Iain!" Lily sobbed in absolute hysterics. "Get them off me!"

"Lily. Stay still!" Dylan spoke sternly. "You have glass in you, and we need to get it out. Right. Can someone contact Mrs Beauchamp for me, please?"

Iain couldn't help but burst into tears at that moment. They'd given Lily some morphine for the pain and eventually the glass was out and her wounds were stitched up. Iain just stood back and watched as Dylan helped his girlfriend. Now that the morphine had kicked in, she'd calmed down but tears still continued to flow down her face. It wasn't over though, was it? Lily was still drunk and she'd still almost killed herself.

"You stupid, stupid, woman," Connie spat, storming in as Dylan began to patch up Lily's cuts. "What on earth were you thinking?"

"You told me to have a shower," Lily slurred.

Connie's heart sank, and Iain could tell that she blamed herself. It was true, Connie had told Lily to take a shower, but how was she supposed to know that she'd end up injuring herself?

"Just leave me alone," Lily mumbled. "I want a drink."

"No, not today," Iain whispered and shook his head. "You could have died, Lily."

"Stop!" Lily cried and pushed Dylan to one side.

She fell off of the bed and yelled out in pain, being caught by her boyfriend before she hit the floor and caused herself more damage.

"What's wrong?" Connie panicked. "Lily. Where does it hurt?"

"Just...My stomach..." Lily sobbed, as Iain and Dylan worked together to help her back onto the bed. "My stomach," she repeated, wincing as more pain shot through her body.

"Right. Could we run some more tests, please?" Dylan said. "Lily, you're damaging your body. Carry on like this and you could end up with liver failure, pancreatitis, heart problems...There are even chances of fertility issues."

Iain's ears pricked up when he heard that, and more and more tears started to fall gently down his face.

"We will give you two a minute," Connie said, obviously realising what Iain was thinking. "Whilst we get the doppler ready to check for internal injuries again - just in case something was missed. There's a chance that it could be alcohol poisoning."

Connie nodded at Dylan and gestured for him to follow her out. Lily turned to see that Iain was crying and it took the one tear to bring her back to reality. Taking his face in her hands, she wiped away his tears for him.

"Lily," he whispered. "I know it's not going to be easy, and I know I'm far from perfect, but please, please fight this alcoholism so we can have a future together. I'll do anything you want - just don't give up on us."

"Stop with the crying, Iain," Lily began to sob herself. "I can't bear it. It hurts too much seeing you like this."

"How do you think I feel about seeing you like this everyday?" Iain asked. "This addiction has broken me too, you know? I'm terrified of losing you."

"I can't help it," Lily sobbed, hiccuping between her tears. "Every time I try and stop, I...I end up thinking about what an awful person I am. I need to drink, Iain."

"But you're not an awful person," Iain said.

"I never even got to apologise to Cal," Lily cried, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I was so horrible to him. It's like I can't control it, Iain. Whenever I get anything good in my life, I ruin it, just like I'm doing with you."

"You're not ruining anything with me," Iain said, cupping her face in his hands. "I'm just worried about you. One more drink could kill you, Lily."

There was a pause between them.

"I'm sorry that I got angry at you," Iain whispered gently. "I'm sorry that I lost my patience and that I shouted, but...I just didn't know how to deal with it. With this. Seeing you though, unconscious, I...I thought I'd lost you. I'm going to try and be a better boyfriend to you, I promise."

"You don't have to be a better boyfriend," Lily cried. "You're already the perfect boyfriend."

 **I wasn't quite sure how to write this chapter, but I hope you liked it. Things will start to slowly get better x**


	23. Chapter 23

**milali: Thank you so much and that was sort of the angle I was going for. Although it's sad, it's a brilliant scene. It is important to show how it affects others as well. There will be a very important Connie and Iain scene coming up in this chapter. Thank you for always being so lovely with your reviews.**

Chapter Twenty-Three

Lily woke at around one o'clock in the morning.

The hospital room was in complete darkness. Lily's stomach still hurt but she just about managed to haul herself upright so that she could look around properly. Iain was nowhere to be seen. She tried to hold back her tears and put all her energy into climbing out of bed. How long had she been in hospital for? She actually had no idea.

She hissed in pain and slid her feet into a pair of slippers that sat on the floor, before making her way over to her handbag that sat at the end of the bed. She rummaged around inside but only found her phone and her purse. Where were the bottles of alcohol that she'd hidden in there? She scanned the room but there were no bottles in sight. Of course there wasn't. Connie had probably disposed of them all when she was asleep. Panic rushed through her immediately when she realised that she couldn't have a drink, and she slowly staggered out of the room.

The ED was practically deserted and Lily felt a sense of relief wash over her, as she pushed the doors open and made her way out into the cold breeze. She wrapped her arms around herself and went to lay down on the bench by the wall, a place where she'd spent the majority of her drunk times.

She couldn't believe that Iain had left her. She thought that he'd stay with her, but he'd gone. She'd woken up and he'd gone.

"Lily?"

She slowly lifted her head and saw Connie strolling across to her.

"What are you doing out here?" She asked. "You're going to freeze. Back inside, please."

"No," Lily refused.

"Yes," Connie said, walking over and placing a hand on her back. "Come on. You're not well, so you need to come back to bed."

"You got rid of my drink," Lily spat. "Go away."

"It's for your own good, Lily," Connie said. "Did you not hear a single word that we said? One more drink could kill you. Is that what you want? Because we certainly don't want it."

"And where's Iain?" Lily shouted.

Connie pursed her lips together and shook her head, before crouching down in front of the bench. She kept a hand on Lily's back, but she ended up moving and purposely shoving her away. Connie had to admit that she found Lily extremely difficult to deal with, when she was lashing out and refusing to accept help or comfort of any kind.

"I sent him home," Connie said. "And do you want to know why? Because he was exhausted, and he wanted to try and sort out these arrears of yours."

There was a pause, and a small sob escaped Lily's mouth.

"Why did you not tell me that you were behind on your rent, Lily?" Connie asked.

"Because it's just the one payment, so it's not a big deal," Lily mumbled into her sleeve.

"It is a big deal," Connie said. "What if you miss more payments, hmm? How did it even happen?"

"I just spent my money, I guess," Lily said, and gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "And I haven't been at work, have I?"

"Don't blame me," Connie said. "You know that none of this is my fault. You've been spending loads of money on alcohol, causing yourself to get behind with payments. You should have told someone that you were struggling, we could have leant you a bit."

"I didn't realise I was," Lily whispered. "Then I got the letter."

"Right," Connie sighed. "Well, you have an incredibly lovely boyfriend because he is currently trying to get it sorted for you. In the meantime, you have to come back inside with me and get back into bed. I'll stay with you if it'll make you feel better."

Lily slowly sat up on the bench and Connie gently took her hand in hers.

"You need to understand that this is where the road to recovery begins," Connie said. "I'm serious. One more drink could lead to death and I know that you don't want that to happen. We're all going to try and help you more though, okay? Continue with these sessions, accept our support, and you'll get there. We could have lost you, and I don't want to have another experience like that. I know that Iain certainly doesn't."

"I just need a drink," Lily slurred.

Connie sighed and gave Lily a sad and sympathetic look. Had nothing that she'd just said gone in?

"No you don't," she said. "You need a cup of tea and a chat. Come on."

She managed to get Lily off of the bench eventually, and back to her room. Connie made them both a cup of tea and Lily climbed into bed, her eyes darting and her hands shaking. Connie noticed this and placed Lily's cup of tea on the table beside the bed.

"How do you feel when you don't drink?" Connie sighed.

"Sick," Lily answered and shrugged her shoulders. "I just can't handle it. I feel awful, and my...My hands won't stop shaking, and I...I just need some so bad. I feel horrible, which is why I need the alcohol, so that I don't feel like that."

"I've had an idea that might help," Connie said.

"What?" Lily frowned, intrigued but also anxious.

"You'll find out in time," Connie said. "Focus on getting better first. Once you're out of here, I'll show you. Try and get some sleep, alright? You feel cold."

"Mrs Beauchamp," Lily sighed.

"What is it, Lily?" Connie asked, sipping her tea and taking a seat in the chair beside the bed.

"I'm really sorry," Lily whispered, unable to look Connie in the eye. "For everything. I've been horrible to you all, especially you, and..." She shoved her shaking hands under the duvet to try and hide them from Connie, before continuing. "I guess I'm just sorry. I do want to get better. It's just hard."

"I know, darling," Connie whispered back. "Thank you for apologising, alright? We'll talk more in the morning but I need you to get some rest right now. Drink your tea and get some sleep."

"C...Could you pick it up for me?" Lily stuttered, scared that she'd drop the entire mug onto the bed.

Connie nodded and carefully handed the mug over, helping Lily to hold it whilst she took a sip. Once she was done, Connie set it back down on the table and Lily snuggled under the duvet.

She didn't say another word, as she slowly closed her eyes.

* * *

"I managed to sort out the arrears anyway," Iain sighed, throwing himself into his favourite armchair and running his hands down his face. "They let me pay for them but it took a lot of convincing. We'll just have to keep an eye on things because we can't have her falling behind with other bills. How is she?"

"She's doing okay," Connie told him, as she admired the various photos of Iain and Lily together. "Surprisingly. We need to keep on top of her now though."

"I know," Iain whispered.

"We need to make sure that she attends these sessions, keep an eye on her, steer her away from all situations regarding drink," Connie said. "We almost lost her Iain, and if she continues to drink then it might actually happen."

"I can't lose her, Mrs Beauchamp," Iain began to cry. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I know," Connie said. "Things will be better once she gets out of hospital, I promise. Before you know it, she'll be back to her old self and back at work."

"That will take a while though," Iain stated.

"It will." Connie reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "And there may be the odd relapse, if she's had a bad day or if she starts showing withdrawal symptoms, but she'll get there."

"Do you think I should stay with her when she gets out?" Iain asked. "Just in case she does relapse."

"Might not be a bad idea," Connie said. "You need to tell someone if you're struggling though, Iain. It's hard, seeing Lily in that state, so don't feel as if you're alone in anything. You and me, we're going to work together."

"Really?" Iain asked.

"Of course," Connie said. "We both care a great deal about Lily, and I care about you as well. It can't have been easy on you but you've coped well and you've been there for her. Who's been there for you though?"

Iain didn't have an answer to that.

"Exactly," Connie said. "I'm here for you, okay? I promise, between us, Lily will get the help that she deserves."

 **This chapter wasn't that great to be honest. It just seemed a bit repetitive and similar to other chapters, but I don't know. There will be more to come, so hopefully they'll be a bit better. Thanks for all of your support on the story so far x**


	24. Chapter 24

**Here is Chapter 24! Enjoy. Thank you to ReadingxTherapy for being my beta for the chapter x**

Chapter Twenty-Four

Lily hadn't had any alcohol to drink at all.

She felt physically sick. Her body felt absent, she felt an element of paralysis, rendering her incapable of doing anything. She remained in bed, feeling more lethargics and defeated than she ever had before. Her covers and night clothes provided a sense of comfort, the only serenity she felt she had. It felt like an out of body experience. She was awake, yet her senses were so sedated she felt as if she wasn't there.

She knew Connie had arrived at some point. She didn't want to speak to her, and even if she did it felt as if her exhausted body wouldn't allow her to. She numbly allowed Connie to practically force her into her day clothes and out of the door. Her shouts fell on deaf ears as a robotic Lily was taken out of her own flat.

"What are we doing here?" Lily groaned, as they pulled up outside the local gym.

"You'll see." Connie smiled to herself, as they climbed out of the car. "This is something that I sometimes do to de-stress, and I think you might take some enjoyment out of it."

"I...I'd rather go home," Lily stuttered, slamming the car door shut with her trembling hands.

"What happened to wanting to get better?" Connie asked and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Come on."

"Mrs Beauchamp," Lily gulped anxiously and wrapped her arms around herself. "I appreciate the help but I don't see how treadmills and sweaty people are going to help me get over my addiction."

Connie smiled and remained silent, as she led Lily inside. In her heart, she knew that her idea would help Lily, but she just had to show her first. They took the lift up to the second floor, and walked into a room where a few people were hitting a couple of punchbags.

Lily frowned to herself. Boxing. Was this really Connie's great idea?

"Gary!" She greeted a tall man with a beard and a tattoo on each arm. "This is Lily, the one who I was telling you about."

"Lily Chao!" He yelled enthusiastically and shook hands with her. "I've heard a lot about you."

There was a pause, as Lily looked to Connie and tried to work out what to say.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Gary asked and clapped his hands together. "Grab some gloves and let's get on with it!"

"On with it?" Lily frowned.

Gary chuckled and made his way over to a cardboard box. He grabbed some gloves and chucked them to Lily.

"Try those for size!" He said.

Lily turned the boxing gloves over in her hands and gave Connie another look, still feeling confused as ever, but Connie just sat down in one of the chairs and nodded at her. She sighed and slipped the gloves onto her hands, surprised to see that they were the perfect fit. Gary slipped a pair of gloves onto his own hands and held them up to Lily.

"Come on then," he encouraged her. "Give them a punch."

Lily gulped and gently punched Gary's left hand with her fist.

"I think you can do better than that," Gary laughed. "If you're anything like Connie Beauchamp."

"What even is this?" Lily laughed, taking a few steps back.

"A distraction," Connie said, standing up from her chair. "This is what I do when I don't have time to run. Give me the gloves, Gary. I'll have a go."

Gary handed the gloves over straight away, taking a step back to leave them to it.

"Now, I know you can punch harder than that," Connie said, as she slipped the gloves on.

"It's just so weird," Lily said.

"Only because you're making it weird," Connie said. "Just forget everything, forget that I'm your boss, think of something that makes you really angry and punch as hard as you possibly can! That is the best advice that I can give you."

Lily took a deep breath and looked down at her shaking hands in the gloves. She sniffed, feeling sick, and caught sight of the encouraging smile that Connie was giving her. With a small nod of the head, she lifted one of her fists and punched as hard as she could.

"That's the spirit!" Connie praised. "Keep going!"

Lily threw another punch, screaming aggressively as she did so. Gary's eyes widened, impressed with how hard she could punch for a first timer. Connie smiled, wincing a few times as Lily continued to hit her fists against her hands. She prayed that it would distract her, that it would help get her anger out and that she was able to slowly overcome her addiction.

"I'm tired," Lily panted, holding her hands to her head.

"Did that feel good?" Connie asked, and Lily managed a small nod. "We'll go for a drink after this, yeah?"

Lily stepped away from her, smiling from ear to ear.

"A coffee," Connie quickly corrected herself, realising what was probably going through Lily's head.

* * *

"So, did you enjoy your first boxing class?" Connie asked, as she and Lily sat at a window table in Starbucks.

Lily nodded faintly and poured a small pot of milk into her coffee. She still couldn't believe that Connie had taken her boxing as a form of distraction. She had a sip of her coffee, grimaced, and glanced out of the window and across the road at a local pub.

"Are you okay?" Connie asked, noticing the silence.

Lily set her coffee mug down and grabbed hold of one of her wrists to try and stop the shakes. Her breathing became heavy and she felt as if she was going to be sick.

"I...I don't feel well," she whispered.

"Okay," Connie whispered, setting her own mug down. "Do you want to go home?"

Lily slowly lifted her head to make eye contact and whispered, "I...I can't do it."

"You can," Connie encouraged. "I know you can because you're Lily Chao. You've been doing well so far, haven't you?"

"I feel sick," Lily began to cry, and quickly wiped her tears with embarrassment. "I need a drink."

"Lily, this feeling will pass," Connie said. "It's early days yet. If you keep at it, you'll begin to feel better. I promise."

"I just want it to stop," Lily said, referring to her constant shakes. "I hate it so much."

"You were fine earlier," Connie stated.

"Yeah, but now I'm stuck with bloody coffee when I need a glass of wine!" Lily screamed, receiving quite a few glares from people around them.

"Sweetheart..." Connie went to say.

"Stop it!" Lily yelled suddenly and held her hands over her face. "You're not helping. First, your stupid boxing class and then your stupid coffee and then your stupid pep talk as well."

Connie sighed sadly and sat back in her chair. She knew that anger and mood swings were a withdrawal symptom, but it still upset her. She couldn't help but take Lily's words to heart, and she was only trying to help as well.

"I just want to sleep," Lily whispered, her eyes slowly drooping.

"Shall I drive you home?" Connie asked.

Lily nodded, but she was already up and out of her seat.

Connie wasn't even surprised when she saw Iain in Lily's flat. He'd been staying with her, in case of a relapse, and he was currently in the middle of washing up and tidying the kitchen. He looked pleased to see them.

"How did it go?" He asked, but Lily just dragged herself into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. "Is she okay?" He panicked.

"She's just struggling," Connie said, placing her handbag on the floor and collapsing onto a chair.

"Cup of tea?" Iain asked, and she nodded. "So what happened?"

"I took her to a boxing class," Connie said. "I take part in one alongside my running, and I thought it would help."

"Boxing?" Iain laughed, as he boiled the kettle. "Careful Mrs Beauchamp, I can't have a girlfriend who's stronger than me."

"Are you scared?" Connie laughed and shook her head. "She seemed to enjoy it but we grabbed coffee afterwards and she became quite emotional and...Angry. She's going to experience withdrawal symptoms though, isn't she? The recovery stage is just as hard as the addiction."

"Is she okay though?" Iain whispered. "Should I go and check on her?"

"She's tired," Connie told him. "She's very tired. We know that there isn't any alcohol in her bedroom, so just let her sleep for the time being."

"Okay." Iain nodded and grabbed a couple of mugs from the cupboard. "Thank you for today though, Mrs Beauchamp. I really appreciate it, and I'm sure Lily does as well."

He made two cups of tea and sat them down on the table, along with a plate of chocolate biscuits. The two of them exchanged thankful smiles and sat in silence for a moment, sipping tea and nibbling biscuits. They thought about Lily and wondered if she'd fallen asleep yet, but they also wondered if things would eventually get better for her. Iain knew that the recovery stage was hard, but part of him hoped that it would be easy.

"When do you think Lily will be allowed to work again?" Iain questioned, after about five minutes of saying nothing.

"Tricky question," Connie said, finishing off her third chocolate biscuit. "Even when she does eventually return to work, I think it would have to be on a part time basis. She can't go straight into full time again, not after everything that's happened. You need to understand Iain, that things will never be the same again."

"Yeah?" Iain sighed.

It came out as more of a question than a statement.

"Well, she'll never be able to really enjoy a drink again," Connie said. "If, hypothetically, she does relapse then we may have to look at more serious options. Rehab for example. Something as simple as a bad day at work or a stomach bug could cause her to relapse. We'll need to keep an eye on her."

"I guess," he whispered. "She doesn't deserve this. I always kind of blamed her, but I guess you can't help alcohol addiction, right? It can hit anyone."

"Exactly," Connie said. "We all feel bad, Iain. None of us were really that nice to Lily during her addiction, because none of us really understood what it was like to go through. She knows that we're there for her though, even if she does lash out every now and then."

"I just want to do something nice for her," Iain said. "It's her birthday soon, and she deserves a special treat."

"You'll think of something," she said.

"I was going to take her for a meal," he said. "But that might be quite difficult, considering there'll be people drinking wine and beer."

"Maybe you could order in and watch a film?" Connie suggested. "Or you could take her on a picnic. You'll think of something, I'm sure."

"I hope so," Iain said. "I just want her to realise how special she is to me. To everyone."

"Iain," Connie sighed. "I'm sure she already realises that. She loves you so much. You are an amazing boyfriend to her."

"Do you mean that?" He asked.

Connie smiled and said, "I wouldn't say it if I didn't."

 **I enjoyed writing this chapter. So, Lily is slowly recovering but she is struggling, which is understandable bless her. I hope you liked the chapter and I hope you liked the episode tonight.**

 **Poor Connie! Poor Ethan! Poor Robyn! I have so many emotions, haha x**


	25. Chapter 25

**ReadingxTherapy: Thank you so much. It was quite fun writing scenes between Iain and Connie, a bit of a different friendship to write about. Thanks again and enjoy the update.**

 **milali: I'm glad you found it** **realistic. A bit more of a happier chapter here so enjoy.**

 **Giatrix: I feel that it's an important part of the story to show. Lots of Iain and Lily in this chapter.**

Chapter Twenty-Five

On the morning of her birthday, Lily woke up with the desperate need to drink.

She felt sick, her hands wouldn't stop shaking and she kept thinking of the little, corner shop across the road. Iain was still fast asleep beside her so she could have easily popped out, bought a bottle, drank it and got back into bed before he even woke up. It sounded so simple, but she couldn't. Iain and Connie were trying so hard to help her and she could vividly remember the look on Iain's fact last time she had a drink.

Disappointment.

"Iain," she whispered and gave him a small shake. "Iain, wake up."

"What?" Iain groaned, panic hitting him immediately. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," Lily whispered. "I um...I was going to sneak out and get a drink, but I couldn't resist the temptation on my own."

"You were going to drink?" Iain asked, yawning slightly. "Didn't feel in control, so you woke me up?"

"Look, I'm sorry," Lily apologised, tears pricking her eyes. "I know you're tired, but I just panicked being alone with all these thoughts about where I could run off to for a drink."

"Lily, stop," he said, sitting upright and pulling her in for a hug. "I'm not even mildly angry, but just super proud of you, and I am so pleased that you made that decision."

Lily managed a wobbly smile and snuggled up close to him for a hug. Iain returned the smile and kissed her temple, holding a protective arm around her.

"Happy Birthday by the way," he said. "I have something extremely special lined up for you today. We're going to have a great day and it's going to be your best birthday yet, I promise you."

"You don't have to do anything," Lily said. "I'd be happy just staying in. Besides, haven't you got work?"

"Not today," Iain said and tapped her playfully on the nose. "I asked Mrs Beauchamp if I could book the day off and she allowed it."

"You're the best," Lily laughed, rubbing at his chest. "I love you. What did you want to do anyway?"

"It's a surprise," Iain said and gave her another kiss. "But you will love it, I promise you."

* * *

"What are we doing here?" Lily asked, as the two of them pulled into the car park of a little country park.

Lily turned to stare out of the window, whilst Iain climbed out of the car and went round to the boot. He opened it up and pulled out a huge, picnic basket that he'd secretly packed when Lily wasn't looking.

"We're going to have a picnic in the park," he said, opening the door for her. "Which is why I told you to wrap up warm because you stupidly have a birthday in the middle of November."

"That was my mother's fault, not mine," Lily laughed, stepping out of the car. "Thank you. This is lovely, it really is."

"Come on, let's find a sunny spot," Iain said and wrapped an arm around her as they made their way into the park.

The park was practically empty, apart from a woman with her young daughter. The little girl looked around the age of seven and she was crying whilst her mum frantically tried to untangle her kite.

"She looks exhausted, bless her," Lily sympathised and rested her head against Iain's shoulder.

"Stay here," Iain said and put the basket down, before making his way over. "Can I help at all? I um...I'm quite good with my hands."

"Oh!" The poor woman looked embarrassed, as she hesitantly handed the kite over to Iain. "I like a handsome man who's good with his hands."

Iain chuckled and turned to the young girl whose tears were slowly subsiding. "Don't worry, kiddo. I'll soon get this sorted out for you, alright? I used to love playing with kites when I was your age."

Lily smiled and watched as she sat down on the grass. The woman, feeling quite comfortable with Iain, left to go and talk to her.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said.

"No, it's fine," Lily said shyly, and decided to help Iain by unpacking the picnic basket.

She was intrigued to see what he'd packed.

"Your husband is very kind to stop and help. He's great with kids too," she said, making Lily blush. She was about to mention the fact that she and Iain weren't actually married, but didn't want to cause the woman any embarrassment. "Have you two got any of your own? Sorry, that was a bit intrusive of me! You're both young and probably just enjoying life as you should."

"Mummy!" The little girl squealed from behind them, saving them both from any further embarrassment. "The kind man fixed my kite!"

"Oh, thank you!" The woman yelled to Iain and hurried back over. "How can I ever thank you?"

"It's no trouble really," Iain said and patted the child on the shoulder. "You have fun and take care of that, alright?" He turned back to the woman and said, "have a lovely day," before heading back to his girlfriend. "Sorry," he apologised, kissing her cheek and sitting down on the grass beside her. "There should be a picnic blanket in there as well."

"You don't need to be sorry," Lily said, finding the blanket for them to sit on. "You're a much nicer person than me. I could hardly even make conversation with the mother. I said three words to her."

"Hey, you've been through some stuff," Iain said. "Don't be so hard on yourself, alright? Now, we have crisps, a variety of sandwiches, fruit, chocolate, everything that you could possibly think of."

"W...Wine?" Lily asked, her hands continuing to shake.

"Lily," Iain sighed. "Come on, you have been doing so well so far, so let's try and keep that up."

"It's my birthday," Lily said. "Everyone has alcohol on their birthday."

"Come on, Chuckles," Iain said. "Have an apple juice instead, alright? I promise you that things will get easier."

Lily nodded faintly as Iain handed a carton of apple juice to her. They sat in silence for a bit, as Iain took over unpacking the basket, as if there was something that he was trying to hide from Lily.

"That woman thought we were married, you know?" Lily mentioned.

"Well, she must have seen you giving me the puppy dog eyes," Iain teased, and helped himself to a sandwich. "So, I have a present for you."

"You didn't have to get me anything," Lily whispered, picking one of the plain cheese sandwiches. "I wasn't expecting a present, Iain. You've had enough on your plate lately and you've done more than enough for me, more than you know."

"It's your birthday though, Lils," Iain said, and reached into the picnic basket. "I had to get you something, didn't I? Close your eyes."

Lily finished off her sandwich and closed her eyes, whilst holding her hands out. Iain pulled out a small velvet box and set it in the palms of her hands. She nervously opened her eyes and shot a look of confusion at Iain, before opening the small box. Inside was a beautiful, silver heart-shaped locket.

"Open it," he said.

Lily carefully opened it up and saw that Iain had stuck in a photo of the two of them together.

"Iain," Lily whispered and ran her fingers over the photo. "It's really beautiful. You...You seriously didn't have to do this."

"I know I didn't." He shrugged his shoulders. "But I wanted to. You're my girlfriend, you've been through a difficult time and you deserve to have a nice birthday."

"I've been such an awful girlfriend to you," Lily said. "You don't deserve me, Iain."

"I do," Iain said, crawling towards her and pulling her in for a loving hug. "You have been an amazing girlfriend, believe me."

There was still a strong scent of alcohol on Lily, especially when you made contact with her, but she hadn't had a drink in ages and that was the main thing. He was so proud of how far she'd come.

"Come on now," he said and wiped away her tears. "Let me put this on you. We've come for a nice birthday picnic at the park, right? So no more of this silly talk and let's enjoy ourselves."

Lily nodded and looked back to the mum and the little girl. The girl's dad had now shown up and they were both greeting him with hugs and kisses, the little girl constantly showing her dad the kite that she'd been playing with.

"Do you think that could ever be us?" Lily asked, as Iain took the necklace to put on Lily.

"I think so," Iain said, a huge grin on his face. "I hope so."


	26. Chapter 26

**casualtyfics111: It is adorable and totally the sort of thing that Iain would do. Thanks so much, Lily is still struggling but she will get there. Thanks so much for reviewing.**

 **Bluebell140: Me too, it does show that she's slowly getting better.**

 **milali: Thanks so much. Iain is just the perfect boyfriend. Apologies for the long wait in an update, but I hope you like it.**

 **Giatrix: I know you didn't review the last chapter but just wanted to say a thank you on your support and your help. You were the one who requested this idea and I've really enjoyed writing it. I've just sent you a PM with a question, so I don't know if you can look at it if you can. I know you're busy though. Thanks again.**

Chapter Twenty-Six

Lily and Iain sat on the sofa in Connie's office, silence growing between them. The staffroom was empty apart from that, and it revealed a warm and friendly atmosphere to the registrar. She felt safe, and as if nothing could harm her. That was how things were meant to be.

She still wasn't used to being back at work and she half wished that she could go back to lying in bed and binge-watching Netflix. She needed that. Another thing that she needed was a drink.

Iain placed a comforting hand on her knee, but it wasn't a complete distraction for Lily. She could still hear Connie and her support worker talking about her. She hated that word so much, support worker. Support workers were usually for people who struggled to get work but she had a job, didn't she? Connie and Iain had advised her though that it was just to help her settle back into the routine.

She was still an addict, that was what they were basically saying. Lily honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd had a drink, but the urge was still there.

"Lily," Iain's voice snapped her out of her trance, and she turned her head to look at him. "Mrs Beauchamp is talking to you."

"Sorry," Lily whispered and turned her head back to Connie and the support worker.

Her name was Natalie, and she seemed nice enough, but she made Lily feel as if there was something seriously wrong with her.

"I just wondered if you and Iain wanted to go and grab a coffee," Connie suggested. "So that Natalie and I can just have a private chat."

"I guess," Lily whispered.

She couldn't work out whether that was a bad thing or not.

"I'll come and find you later," Natalie said and gave Lily a smile, as she stood up to leave.

"You don't have to," Lily mumbled and shrugged her shoulders, Iain following her out of the office. "I'm going to the shop," she said, as she made her way towards the entrance of the ED. "Do you want anything?"

"Why are you going there?" Iain asked, hands in his pockets.

"I'm thirsty," Lily replied. "Do you want anything or not?"

"You can get a drink here, Lily," Iain said. "Probably cheaper as well."

"I could do with the fresh air," Lily said. "Now, I will ask you again. Do you want anything?"

"I'm not letting you do this, Lily," Iain sighed heavily and shook his head at her. "I saw you in there. You were shaking, you couldn't concentrate, and I've known you long enough now to realise when you need a drink. Don't, alright? Did you not hear what we said before, one more drink could kill you?"

"I'm not going to drink, Iain," Lily defended. "I'll get a bottle of water or something."

"Fine," Iain sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Then I'm going to come with you. We can talk on the way."

Lily rolled her eyes and Iain patted her on the back, leading her out of the ED and across the car park to the local shop. Lily held his hand and chewed her lip anxiously, as they arrived. The alcohol section stood in front of her, staring her right in the face, but she knew that she had to try and control herself. Iain noticed her staring and took her over to the cold drinks, choosing himself a bottle of coke to try and help her out.

"Well?" He asked, nudging her arm gently. "I thought you wanted a bottle of water."

Lily faintly nodded and chose a bottle of water for herself. Iain smiled, as she walked past everything else and took it over to the till. Iain paid for them both, and the two of them left in silence.

"Well done," Iain praised her, as if she was a young child who'd just done something really really good.

"Wait," Lily said, eyeing the little cafe out the corner of her eye. "I...I need to use the bathroom first."

"Alright," Iain said, knowing that he could trust her enough to go to the bathroom. "I'll wait for you back at the ED."

Lily nodded thankfully and strolled towards the cafe, constantly looking back over her shoulder to check if Iain was walking away. He was, and as soon as he was near to the ED, she made her way back into the shop.

* * *

"So, how has she been doing?" Natalie asked. "Any better at all?"

Iain and Lily had been out of the office for an hour, and Natalie and Connie hadn't stopped talking. There was just so much to discuss and they wanted to make sure that they were doing everything they possibly could to help Lily.

"Sort of," Connie answered. "She hasn't been drinking, which is good, but I think she is struggling quite a lot. Quite often, she'll become quiet or depressed and she won't talk to anyone, and Iain and myself have caught her shaking. I would love for her to return to work, but I do have my concerns."

"That's understandable," Natalie said. "And that's why I'm here, to help her get back into work. It's going to be difficult for Lily as well, and you need to remember that she doesn't want to be addicted to alcohol. She wants to get better."

"I know she does," Connie whispered.

"Mrs Beauchamp!" Alicia's voice was heard from outside, and she suddenly burst into the office. "I'm sorry, but you need to come quickly. It's Lily."

"What's happened?" Connie panicked and stood up from her chair. "Where's Iain?"

"It's fine. He's with her," Alicia said, and fled the office.

Connie and Natalie exchanged glances and quickly followed after her, both scared and concerned on what they might walk in on. Lily was stood outside with a crowd around her, throwing up onto the floor. An empty alcohol bottle lay on the floor, and Iain was stood behind her to hold her hair back.

"What on earth is going on?" Connie yelled.

"She's been drinking again," Charlie said. "She came staggering back to the ED, completely wasted."

Connie shook her head and looked to Iain. "And where were you?" She accused.

"She was fine before!" Iain shouted in defence. "She wanted to go to the shop, she bought a bottle of water, but then she said that she needed to use the bathroom. I left her alone, thinking she'd go into the cafe, but clearly she didn't."

"You absolute idiot!" Connie yelled.

"It's not my fault!" He yelled back.

Connie just pursed her lips together angrily and took hold of Lily's arm, crouching down to try and see if she was okay.

"Get away!" Lily screamed and elbowed her in the stomach.

Vomit dripped from her chin and her eyes had gone bloodshot. Connie sighed, knowing that they had to wait until she'd stopped throwing up at least. She coughed and gasped for air, her hands over her stomach.

"Charlie?" Connie turned her head to look for the nurse, and smiled when she spotted him. "Free a cubicle for me, please. She's going to need examining."

"Will do," Charlie said and patted Connie's shoulder, before making his way inside.

"Lily, Lily, Lily," Connie sighed and gently began to rub her back. "What are we going to do with you? I know it's hard, sweetheart, but you need to try and be stronger. If this carries on, then we are going to lose you. You've already been warned once."

"I don't need a fucking support worker!" Lily cursed, shocking everyone at her use of language. "I just need you all to leave me alone."

Her words were slurred and she was obviously struggling for a breath.

"We just care," Connie told her. "And it's about time that you learnt that."

Lily just sniffed and wiped her mouth on the back of her sleeve. She'd finished being sick, but her stomach hurt and she felt dizzy.

"I think you ought to come inside now," Connie sighed. "You can struggle all you like, but we need to examine you. Come on."

Lily looked to Connie with sad eyes and then looked to Iain slowly. The disappointment was there again and although she'd brought it on herself, she hated the fact that she was ruining everything.

She couldn't help it though.

It was just one bottle after the other.

Another empty bottle.

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'll try and update soon. I'd like to ideally finish this story soon so I can post a new one x**


	27. Chapter 27

**Bluebell140: Let's hope so.**

 **milali: I feel bad for Iain throughout this whole story. I'm not sure how to end it just yet, so we'll just see what happens.**

 **casualtyfics111: Unfortunately he already knows because he was there, but doubt he's very happy.**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Lily, keep still!" Connie shouted, as she grabbed hold of her arm to try and stop her from moving around so much. "I honestly don't know what to say. I thought you were getting better. Correction, I thought you wanted to get better!"

"I do," Lily whined, and whacked her head against the back of the bed. "You don't understand how hard it is. I'm trying but...When I don't drink, I feel awful! I feel sick, I feel depressed, and I hate it. This support worker as well, I...I don't want her."

"But you need her," Connie whispered. "She's just there to help you settle back into the routine of work. Also, those feelings will soon go away. It just takes time."

Lily looked down at her shoes and sniffed, wiping her nose along the sleeve of her shirt. Connie gave her shoulder a comforting rub, grimacing as she leaned in closer to the smell of alcohol and vomit.

"You need to try and have a bit more control though," Connie said. "You could die, Lily. You may be a doctor but right now, I don't think you understand how serious this problem is."

"Don't patronise me," Lily hissed. "That's all you seem to do."

"Can we stop this, please?" Connie sighed. "We're just going round in circles."

"I have to go and see Iain," Lily whispered, shaking her head at Connie, as she went to climb off of the bed.

"No," Connie tried to stop her and grabbed hold of her arm again. "You're staying put. I need to check your stomach."

"I need to see my boyfriend!" Lily slurred and pushed her away. "Go!"

"Yes, but do you really thinks he wants to see you?" Connie shouted. "In this state, after breaking his trust and throwing up right outside the ED? I'm sorry Lily, but I very much doubt it."

Lily reached the door and staggered a bit, but she managed to shoot an evil glare at Connie, before rushing out of the cubicle. As she exited, she saw that all eyes were on her and they were all judging her. Of course, she hadn't had a drink in ages and now she'd gone and ruined it for herself and for everyone else as well. To make sure that she wouldn't cry in front of them, she hurried off to the staffroom.

Ethan was in there, studying, and Alicia was helping him. There was no sign of Iain.

"Get out," Alicia hissed and remained on the sofa beside Ethan. "You've been drinking again, Lily. Just get out."

Lily gulped and turned her head to look at Ethan, "Do you want me to leave too?" She choked out.

Ethan held his study notes in his hands, his mouth hung open as if he was about to say something, but no words came out.

"Of course he does," Alicia spoke up. "You're supposed to be his best friend Lily, but you haven't been there for him at all. He's lost his brother, he's preparing for his consultancy exams and you've just ignored him. He hasn't had any support from anyone, because they've all been too focused on you and your problems. You're selfish Lily, completely selfish, so just leave."

"Is...Is that really how you feel, Ethan?" Lily whispered.

"Of course it is," Alicia snapped.

"Let him speak!" Lily screamed at her. "You don't own him, Alicia!"

Alicia sighed and lowered her voice. "If you carry on drinking, you will die. Ethan has already lost his mum and his brother, so do you really think that he'll want to lose his best friend as well? No."

"Where's Iain?" Lily asked.

"How am I supposed to know?" Alicia hissed. "Probably gone somewhere, anywhere, to get away from you!"

"Shut up!" Lily yelled, lunging for Alicia.

"Lily, stop!" Ethan shouted to defend his girlfriend and tried to drag Lily off of her.

Alicia shoved Lily away so that she fell and bumped into Ethan. Letting out a scream, Lily grabbed a whole bunch of Ethan's notes and tore them all up into pieces. Ethan and Alicia just stood and watched in alarm, as the tiny, paper snowflakes drifted to the carpet.

"What have you done?" Ethan asked. "I worked ages on those notes, Lily!"

Lily folded her arms across her chest and a horrible, deadly silence filled the air. Alicia was too scared to speak, as clearly she hadn't really helped the situation. The disgusting smell of booze wafted around the room but all they could focus on was Ethan's notes, now not even readable.

The door swung open and Iain walked in, with Connie following close behind him.

"What have you done now?" Connie accused Lily, and her eyes diverted to the floor. "Ethan?" She questioned, crouching down to pick up the pieces. "Did she do this?"

"It's fine, Mrs Beauchamp," he whispered. "I...I'll just write them up again. She isn't herself, is she?"

"That's no excuse!" Connie shouted. "You have been working so hard for these exams Ethan, and look at what she has done! Things were supposed to be getting better." She sighed and turned to face Lily. "But clearly they're not. If this carries on, we are going to have to consider a more serious approach."

"What?" Iain spoke up and frowned at Connie. "Mrs Beauchamp, no. Not rehab."

"What else are we going to do?" Connie asked. "I don't want Lily to die, no one does, but I also don't want her in the ED when she is like this."

"I can hear you," Lily sobbed behind her.

"Good," Connie spat. "Maybe you'll decide to clean up your act."

"Fine, if that's how you're going to be," Lily cried. "I'll go to rehab, at least then I'll be away from everyone who hates me!"

"Lily," Iain sighed and threw his head back. "Come on. No one hates you and you know that. We were doing fine though, weren't we? Yes, you had urges but you usually spoke to me about that, you're still having counselling and then the chance to come back to work crops up and you ruin it."

"I don't need a support worker," Lily whined, fat tears continuing to roll down her cheeks.

"You keep saying that and right now, you're being incredibly childish," Connie said. "Having a support worker is not a big deal. Just because you're not happy, it does not mean that you have to drink and ruin what you worked so hard for, and it does not mean that you can ruin Ethan's hard work! He is supposed to be your best friend, Lily."

"Well, she isn't acting like one," Alicia spoke up. "And she hasn't even realised what day it is."

"Alicia, don't," Ethan whispered and shook his head at her.

"What?" Iain frowned at the two of them. "What do you mean?"

No one spoke. Alicia had been told to keep quiet, and Ethan clearly didn't want to talk about it.

"Ethan," Connie said, her eyes still on Lily. "What day is it?"

Ethan sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck anxiously. Tears brimmed his eyes and he sniffed and shrugged his shoulders, before answering.

"It's Cal's birthday," he said. "Today, um...Would have been his birthday."

"And Lily was too selfish enough to remember," Alicia whispered. "Even then, I doubt she would have asked Ethan if he was okay."

"Wait," Connie whispered back, a small sigh escaping her lips. "Maybe that's the problem. Lily?" Lily slowly lifted her watery eyes from the floor, as Connie addressed her. "You did remember, didn't you? That's...That's what caused all this."

Ethan and Alicia looked towards Lily with nervous faces, as Lily began to sob hard again, whilst slowly nodding her head. She began to walk towards Connie and as Connie went to hold her arms out for a hug, Lily just brushed straight past her and went to Iain.

"I miss him," Lily cried.

Alicia scowled to herself and placed a hand on Ethan's shoulder. Ethan just nudged her away though and walked over to try and comfort his friend.

"So do I, Lily," he whispered through his tears. "I mean, he was my brother. He was the best brother, and also an incredible friend. The point is, everyone misses him but we just need to try and move on, alright? Cal wouldn't want you to be drinking your life away. I...I certainly don't, and I certainly don't want to see you end up in a rehabilitation centre."

No one spoke. After all, Ethan seemed to be doing such an excellent job.

"You should have spoken to someone, you know?" Ethan said. "I came into work and I was struggling, so I went to find Alicia. Okay, I probably shouldn't have come into work but sitting at home wasn't going to make me feel any better. No one is going to judge you or think that you're weak, we're all here to help and support each other. So, go home, spend some time with Iain, get some sleep, and maybe Connie will allow you to start fresh. Everyone deserves a second chance."

"That's very kind of you, Ethan," Connie said. "The thing is though, Lily has had tonnes of second chances. Alcohol addiction is a difficult battle and sometimes, rehab is the only way to fully recover."

"We're all grieving," Ethan said. "And we all have different ways of coping with it, some more noticeable than others. Did I tell you that I went to the very top of the multi-storey car park in the shopping centre, after he died, wanting to jump?"

Everyone's eyes widened.

"No, I didn't," Ethan said, turning to look at Connie. "Because people are too quick to label these days, and I knew that someone would throw medication or counselling or some kind of psychiatric help onto me. I wasn't suicidal though, I just wanted to see my brother again, and what's wrong with that? After standing there, thinking about it for a bit, I soon realised that it would happen for me some day but when the time is right."

He turned back to look at Lily and gave her a small smile.

"Cal wouldn't have wanted me to kill myself that night, and he wouldn't want you too either," Ethan said. "What happened that night wasn't your fault, so you shouldn't think it. Life is a journey and to be able to live, you need to eventually die. Death happens to everyone, at different times, so you shouldn't force it onto yourself. You should wait for your time to come. I love and miss my brother terribly, and over these past few months I've just kind of learnt to realise that. You're still young Lily, so you need to celebrate being alive or you will regret it."

Lily nodded and a single tear splashed onto her trainers. Iain wrapped his arms around her waist, kissed her cheek and rested his chin on her shoulder. Lily looked to Connie, who seemed to be smiling and then to Alicia who was still scowling but eventually managed a smile for Ethan's sake. The last person that she looked at was Ethan who just held his arms out and pulled her in for a hug.

"I know that you want to get better," he whispered. "I can see it in your eyes. You're my best friend."

"I do," Lily whispered, her tears and snot causing Ethan's shirt to get all soggy. "I really do. I hate being like this."

"So, remember what I said," Ethan said, trying not to breathe in the scent of alcohol too much. "Accept help, celebrate life, and just wait until your time comes. You have so many years left in you and we're just going to have to put up with the Lily Chao attitude a little bit longer."

 **I've been having trouble uploading to the site, I don't know if it's down for anyone else. I managed to use one of my already uploaded documents to write this chapter though.**

 **So I don't actually know when Cal's birthday is. It could be completely wrong but it seemed to go with the plot of the story. I hope you liked the chapter and I hope you all had a lovely Christmas x**


	28. Chapter 28

**Bluebell140: Let's hope so. Thank you, I feel like it was definitely one of my best.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: I'm glad that the site is up and running again. That's fine, thanks. It's wrong in my story then, but oh well, it is Fanfiction at the end of the day.**

 **casualtyfics111: He is just so lovely, bless him.**

 **Giatrix: You're very welcome. It is based around Cal so I needed to add some Ethan scenes in.**

 **milali: Thank you. This will be the last chapter unfortunately, but I hope you like it.**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Lily felt sick.

She examined herself in the mirror of the bathroom and slipped her black jacket over the blouse that she was wearing. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes for a brief second, trying to do what her counsellor had once taught her. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Once she opened her brown eyes again, she felt as if an entire weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.

She could smell alcohol and she wasn't sure if that was her, or whether her mind was playing tricks on her. Was she ready? Of course she was. She was Lily Chao, she could do this.

She left the bathroom and bumped right into Connie on the way out.

"Are you alright?" Connie asked, obviously sensing her nerves. "Iain and I have just been looking for you."

"I'm fine," Lily said and folded her arms defensively. "It just feels weird to be back, that's all. I was just...Taking a minute."

"That's fine," Connie said and placed a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Are you sure that you're ready? I don't want you to push yourself."

"I'm ready," she whispered with a heavy sigh. "I just need a drink."

"A cup of tea, right?" Connie said and wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder. "Come on, you. Tea first, and then you can get to work. It's your first day back, so it's bound to seem a little scary at first, which is why I don't want you to rush."

"I didn't mean a cup of tea," Lily said, sitting down on the sofa in the staffroom.

"I know you didn't," Connie said, as she began to boil the kettle. "You're doing well, aren't you? When was the last time you had alcohol?"

"I can't actually remember," Lily whispered.

"See?" Connie said. "That proves you're getting better. There will be times when you 'need' alcohol, like today for example. You're scared, you're nervous and that seems like the only possible option, but we've turned that round. You've spoken to me about your feelings and we've turned that alcoholic drink into a lovely cup of tea. I guarantee that you'll feel better after this."

"Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily said gratefully.

Connie made two cups of tea and carried them over to the sofa. She handed one to Lily and took a seat beside her. The two of them just sat in silence sipping at their tea and reminiscing on how much things had changed. Connie remembered how hard it had been to see Lily at her worst, growing violent and throwing up outside the hospital. None of it had been pleasant and she was pleased to see that Lily was back on track again.

It wasn't until they'd finished their tea, when Connie decided to speak.

"So, are you sure you're okay to come back today?" She asked. "Because I won't mind if you wanted to take another couple of days, or even a week."

"I'm fine," Lily told her. "If I don't go back today, then I'll never go back."

"You're so brave and strong," Connie said. "I've always admired that about you."

"I've learnt from the best," Lily said. "Thanks for the tea, Mrs Beauchamp."

Connie smiled proudly from one ear to the other and she held back her tears, as she said, "I'll come and talk to you later."

* * *

Lily's first day back at work hadn't been so bad after all, and Lily wondered why on earth she'd been so nervous. Everyone had been extremely supportive, she'd taken a break when she needed one, and she hadn't had one sip of alcohol. She had to admit that she was proud of herself.

As soon as her shift was over, Lily left the ED with Iain, Connie and Ethan in tow. They'd all been great help and had asked Lily to join them for a celebration at The Hope and Anchor. Lily had been unsure at first, considering that she'd once been thrown out of there and the fact she'd be surrounded by alcohol. Iain had reassured her that things would be okay though but if she wanted to leave, they would.

Before that though, they had to make another stop.

Iain wrapped an arm around her, as they slowly walked towards the graveyard. Lily felt sick again, but she knew that she had her friends at her side. It wasn't just her though, it was Ethan as well, so she turned to face him and gently took his hand in hers.

"Are you okay?" She whispered.

"Yeah. Thanks," he whispered back, as he clutched a bouquet of flowers in his free hand. "Are you?"

Lily nodded and rested her head against his shoulder. Iain allowed the friends to have their moment and gave Lily's back a comforting rub, as they entered the graveyard and made their way towards Cal's grave.

"Do you think he's happy?" Ethan asked, as they stood in front of it.

"Course he is," Lily said. "Death is meant to be peaceful, right? That's why people talk about being in a better place and stuff."

"True," Ethan said and gently nudged her arm. "He'd be proud of you, you know?"

"Really?" Lily asked, and Ethan nodded. "He'd be proud of you too. You're a great brother and a great friend."

"Thanks Lily," Ethan said and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

Lily looked to Iain and smiled for the first time in ages, and Iain reached across to give her cheek a gentle stroke. Connie watched from the side, feeling proud of her staff and wondered if this was a happy ending for them all. She hoped so.

"These are for you, Cal," Ethan said and set the bouquet of flowers down in front of the grave. "We all miss you, bro. Don't party too hard up there, yeah?"

"Well done, you three," Connie said, and pulled Lily in for a hug. "Let's go for that celebration, hmm?"

"Does it ever get easier, Mrs Beauchamp?" Ethan asked, when they started to walk away. "Loss?"

"Of course it does, Ethan," Connie told him, keeping an arm around Lily. "The first year is always the hardest. It'll get better, for you and Lily."

Ethan nodded, hoping that Connie was right. They arrived at the pub just in time, and made their way over to the table that their colleagues were sat at. No one spoke about Cal or asked where they'd been, which they were grateful for. Straight away, Iain sensed Lily's nerves and took a seat next to her. Some of them had alcohol, some of them didn't, but even just the atmosphere of the pub caused Lily to feel uncomfortable.

"Alright?" Iain whispered, and gave her cheek a kiss.

Lily nodded, squeezing his hand gently.

"I'll get the first round," Connie offered. "What do you want?"

"I'll have a beer please, Mrs Beauchamp," Ethan said. "If...If that's okay," he added, suddenly remembering that Lily was there.

"Ethan, it's fine," Lily told him. "Have what you want."

Ethan nodded and Connie turned her attention to Iain and Lily. "And for you two?"

"Coke, please," Iain said.

Not only was he driving, but he didn't want to make Lily uncomfortable.

"Lily?" Connie questioned.

"I um..." Lily's eyes diverted to the pints of beer and the glasses of wine. "I'll have a coke as well, please," she said.

Connie smiled proudly at her and said, "Two cokes, coming right up."

"Well done," Iain whispered in his girlfriend's ear, as Connie headed up to the bar. "Are you okay? We can leave if..."

"I'm fine, thank you," Lily said, leaning against him for safety and comfort. "I'm fine."

And for the first time, Iain actually trusted her. It had been a rocky road and they'd overcome so many obstacles, but things were finally starting to look up. Although he knew that Lily may still have the odd urge to drink every now and then, he knew that she would be okay in the end.

 **So that is the end of the story, I'm afraid.**

 **I'd gone as far as I could with the** **plot and I hate to finish it, but I didn't want to drag it on so that it became repetitive. I hope you enjoyed the last chapter and the entire story. Let me know what you think and there will be more stories to come from me soon x**


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